Allyson, you're truly one of my heroes. My amateur guess is that your brain is presently undergoing a process not unlike 'climate change' that brings weird swings of feeling until it settles down into a new normal that will be warmer and more tropical.
Um, metaphor may have gotten away from me there. When I first went on Paxil I was joking about "science experiments WITH MY BRAIN!" to keep it from being too terrifying. And that was mild steps (I could stop taking the pills any time I wanted) to what you're going through.
Hugs or pats or smiles and waves from a few feet away, whatever would be reassuring but not too much, Allyson. :) You can do it! The middle of any process usually seems like the worst, I'd think.
I slept 11 hours last night, and then my alarm went off this morning and woke me from a sound sleep, from a dream about playing some sort of boad/word game with friends (who were not people I really know) and some random dude who was in our booth with friends of his (??) who left but he wanted to play the game. And just before that a dream about some sort of race that some guy I knew/was dating (??) was supposed to run in, but we'd forgotten to plug in a phone, so nobody called to say "where are you" and he was very mad he woke up only a few minutes before the race. Or something. Dreams are weird.
Random: I'm thoroughly enjoying all the Richard III updates.
My Wednesday morning therapy appt. tends to be more productive than my afternoon sessions because my brain is in a different state, but oh, God, I'm just fucking drained the rest of the day.
I have so much anger inside of me that can't let out--I'm afraid to let it out.
still think Richard should be buried in York.
Happy birthday, Lee! With cake!
Happy Happiest of Happiness, Lee!!!
Happy birthday, Lee!!
Tom -- have you tried something physical, like boxing or krav maga? Also, writing is incredibly useful in therapy -- you can say anything, and then you can keep it, burn it, rip it up, whatever.
Not a pro, just some thoughts.