I want the kind of relationship that makes negotiating life easier, not harder.

Wow, I think I just had a breakthrough.

100% agree with Tep, manifesto and Zen's revelation. I have never found my marriage with ND hard work, or even particularly that much work at all. Our lives can be haaaarrrdd work, but our marriage isn't.

Our lives can be haaaarrrdd work, but our marriage isn't.

Oh jeez, our lives can get hard as hell. But our marriage makes that part easier, or at least easier to get through.

t missing the like and love buttons

smonster, it's good to hear you making positive changes! You deserve everything good.

Yes, This!

My marriage is never hard work for me, but compromises, and/or agreeing to disagree at times is needed. Children add another level of complication to marriage, but they do in general! But 100% the fun stuff is more fun and the hard stuff is less burdensome.

It might be hard work if you have the personality type that has to have their won way all the time, and I know some in this category that can't manage to keep a relationship solid. My experience is that if you are committed to things working out then you are mindful of the other person's needs/phobias/buttons and decide to work through obstacles that appear.

In 5 days I celebrate my 26th wedding anniversary!! If I count the previous marriages I have been married 42 years, or twice as long as I spent single. Me = old.

It might be hard work if you have the personality type that has to have their won way all the time, and I know some in this category that can't manage to keep a relationship solid.

I fully admit that part of what makes our marriage so easy is that while I am extremely opinionated and bossy, Tim is unbelievably easygoing and agreeable and often doesn't even want to be the one to decide stuff (like what to have for dinner), so a lot of the time I get my way by default. But I try to be really mindful of the times he actually expresses a preference and go with it, since he's pretty undemanding otherwise.

OK I'll be the person who says the work that goes into a marriage can be good and also be hard work that sometimes feels a bit onerous at time. Other times, no, the work can feel good and harmonious, and still other times it can feel hard but I can feel good about it because it feels like good work. But there are days that just suck, and I don't think it's because either Cody or I are terrible people and/or terrible at marriage. Parenting is the same way. Sometimes it feels hard but good and other times it is just hard and I don't enjoy it one bit.

Perhaps relatedly, Zen I must thank you for your advice WRT Tryptophan. You were very helpful.

Nothing wrong with having a marriage that is work, in my opinion. If it's worth it, it's worth it. No judgment on my end.

I wasn't feeling judged, Pix, but thank you. More that I felt it was necessary to state that saying marriage is hard sometimes isn't the same thing as saying marriage isn't worth it.

Perhaps relatedly, Zen I must thank you for your advice WRT Tryptophan. You were very helpful.

Excellent, I'm glad!