I'm always lazy. I'm not always depressed.

Yeah, well, this is my problem. :) To be fair, at my dad's 70th birthday party, his family members were joking around that it's totally a [mylastname] thing, to be lazy as fuck. Which is funny given that they were hard working farmers, until his generation. But I guess lazy as they could be?? Being home for the past almost two weeks hasn't helped--I didn't really have enough work to do, but I never feel good about myself when I just fuck around and don't get things done.

therapy was a fucking disaster.

Oh, dear, askye. Are you okay?

not the worst I've been but it's difficult because I don't have a great connection with this therapist. I don't think it's a good fit and we jumped in the deep end.

I don't know what to do about that.

I wanted to come home and just.. I don't know, fall apart and I couldn't because E was here and I couldn't just hide in my room either and he didn't want to do his homework or finish his Valentine's or pay attention. I'm realizing I like kids in small doses and there's not goign to be a lot of small doses.

Right now I'm alone but only for another hour.

Mom freaks out or gets angry or just doesn't understand.

And I keep thinking about self harm which I haven't done and I won't but it's just one more thing to deal with.

That's hard, askye.

Is there anything particular you can do as a safety plan to avoid self-harm?

I'm sorry, askye. That's too much to deal with.

I'm distracting myself for the most part.

I may try to reach out to the therapist tomorrow.

askye, would it help to have someone call or IM you? If so, I'll happily do it (and I bet many other Bitches will too), and if not, just know that we're all sending you all the ~ma we've got.

I appreciate but I think I'm going to lie down for awhile and see if I feel better.

I hope the bit of alone time and rest helped, askye.