I will definitely keep an eye out for any drastic changes, Zen - not that my judgment is all that great (your post reminded me that I haven't taken my own AD, which I most definitely can't stop taking, in at least a day or maybe two or three, I can't remember which).

Zen, I hope it's not one that needs to be tapered off? Do be careful.

I've been wondering if I need to do something, too. I thought I was doing well, though my AD hasn't necessarily worked GREAT for me ever...but I've also been feeling pretty blah lately, and maybe I need that Vitamin D more than I realized? ...it's so hard for me to tell, sometimes, where the line is between "I'm lazy" and "I'm depressed"...

Thanks, JZ. Now go take your meds!

meara, no, my dose is low enough, I can safely just stop. Vitamin D makes a difference for me, but I take about 6000 IU a day. Not everyone wants to do that! My blood levels are good; I'm not taking too much.

I'm always lazy. I'm not always depressed. Right now, for whatever reason, I'm fine - I'm clear-headed, optimistic, and calm. (And still lazy.) What I think of as "normal". Let's see if it lasts! "Hahaha No" is a heavy favorite to win, with several wins in its corner already. Place your bets now, window closes in 24 hours.

I'm always lazy. I'm not always depressed.

Yeah, well, this is my problem. :) To be fair, at my dad's 70th birthday party, his family members were joking around that it's totally a [mylastname] thing, to be lazy as fuck. Which is funny given that they were hard working farmers, until his generation. But I guess lazy as they could be?? Being home for the past almost two weeks hasn't helped--I didn't really have enough work to do, but I never feel good about myself when I just fuck around and don't get things done.

therapy was a fucking disaster.

Oh, dear, askye. Are you okay?

not the worst I've been but it's difficult because I don't have a great connection with this therapist. I don't think it's a good fit and we jumped in the deep end.

I don't know what to do about that.

I wanted to come home and just.. I don't know, fall apart and I couldn't because E was here and I couldn't just hide in my room either and he didn't want to do his homework or finish his Valentine's or pay attention. I'm realizing I like kids in small doses and there's not goign to be a lot of small doses.

Right now I'm alone but only for another hour.

Mom freaks out or gets angry or just doesn't understand.

And I keep thinking about self harm which I haven't done and I won't but it's just one more thing to deal with.

That's hard, askye.

Is there anything particular you can do as a safety plan to avoid self-harm?

I'm sorry, askye. That's too much to deal with.

I'm distracting myself for the most part.

I may try to reach out to the therapist tomorrow.