Don't focus on how you ended up here at the moment. Focus on the fact that you're willing to get help. Change doesn't happen overnight, and sometimes we fail. What matters is that we pick ourselves back up and try again.
Illyria: Wesley's dead. I'm feeling grief for him. I can't seem to control it. I wish to do more violence. Spike: Well, wishes just happen to be horses today.
'Not Fade Away'
Spike's Bitches 47: Someone Dangerous Could Get In
[NAFDA] Spike-centric discussion. Lusty, lewd (only occasionally crude), risqué (and frisqué), bawdy (Oh, lawdy!), flirty ('cuz we're purty), raunchy talk inside. Caveat lector.
Maria - Mar 18, 2013 9:41:26 pm PDT #27610 of 30001
Not so nice is that I'm about to ruin a Friday morning for a bunch of people because of a series of unfortunate events and an upset foreign government. - shrift
Strix - Mar 18, 2013 9:50:36 pm PDT #27611 of 30001
A dress should be tight enough to show you're a woman but loose enough to flee from zombies. — Ginger
I will try very hard. I just want to have some verve again, and I am willing to do the work.
The hardest part (so far) was facing my DH and friends tonight.
Typo Boy - Mar 18, 2013 9:51:01 pm PDT #27612 of 30001
Calli: My people have a saying. A man who trusts can never be betrayed, only mistaken.Avon: Life expectancy among your people must be extremely short.
Ginger, a belated "go team stubborn"
Strix, love and support.
JZ - Mar 18, 2013 10:35:40 pm PDT #27613 of 30001
See? I gave everybody here an opportunity to tell me what a bad person I am and nobody did, because I fuckin' rule.
Strix, so much love and support and healing. And seconding Maria's advice about who to check in with for personal experiences and perspectives. And just so many vibes. It must have been so incredibly painful for you -- but, also, I'm in awe of the bond you and your friends share. From everything you've said over the years about your girlfriends, it's always been clear just how ferociously loyal and loving and protective all of you are toward each other, and how deeply you're all aware of just how rare and vital that bond is. I'm not surprised they stepped up to do this along with your DH. Deep, strong, steady vibes to all of you.
amych - Mar 19, 2013 3:45:48 am PDT #27614 of 30001
Now let us crush something soft and watch it fountain blood. That is a girlish thing to want to do, yes?
Strix, hon, all the love and support to you; you have my digits in case you need, I think?
WindSparrow - Mar 19, 2013 4:09:57 am PDT #27615 of 30001
Love is stronger than death and harder than sorrow. Those who practice it are fierce like the light of stars traveling eons to pierce the night.
Strix, love and support vibes to you. Depression is a dragon we have to slay every day. At some point in the future it may stay dead, but there is no guarantee of that for any of us. And now I've got Angel's voice earworming me - "Oh come on, I'm holding your head!"
sj - Mar 19, 2013 5:56:39 am PDT #27616 of 30001
"There are few hours in life more agreeable than the hour dedicated to the ceremony known as afternoon tea."
Hugs thread
askye - Mar 19, 2013 5:56:52 am PDT #27617 of 30001
Thrive to spite them
Strix, I'm so sorry you are going through this. OF course we respect you and love you. You're not a bad person AT ALL. You are kind and funny and generous and brave and a good person but you have two severe chronic conditions and in trying to deal with them this happened. And you are actively looking for help and assistance and admitting the problem which is huge and scary. But you are doing it and we are here to support you.
My previous therapist did CBT and I didn't see her long (she moved) but I liked the way she worked and she helped me break one habit tied to my low self esteem.
As for online support - there's a website called Psych Central and they have lots of information but also forums [link] for about everything you can think of. I've been frequenting the bipolar disorder forum and finding some insight and support there.
Fred Pete - Mar 19, 2013 6:04:37 am PDT #27618 of 30001
Ann, that's a ferret.
All support, Strix. Sometimes depression is a matter of forcing one foot ahead at a time. I hope you find strategies to manage it. (One of my favorites, which may or may not help you, is daylight. As much daylight, preferably sunlight, as possible.)
Laura - Mar 19, 2013 6:24:22 am PDT #27619 of 30001
Our wings are not tired.
You are kind and funny and generous and brave and a good person but you have two severe chronic conditions and in trying to deal with them this happened.
This!
One of my favorites, which may or may not help you, is daylight. As much daylight, preferably sunlight, as possible.
Come visit sunny Pompano Beach! (hey, a girl can wish)
Much love to you, Strix. And much love to the others in this thread. Joining sj in a group hug.