I definitely have been going through this on and off after the first 6-12 months of living here went by. I have to always remember my cousin's words of wisdom, "no matter where you go, you're still you." It's so frustrating though.
Me, too. Also, my time in Moldova was a crash course in "huh, I don't like myself very much." Which then took me eight years or so to figure out how to like myself somewhat, and I'm sure it'll be a lifelong journey.
Basically I narrate myself. I would say, "not leaving, just shifting because my hip hurts" and pat the hand. Constant reassurance is key to keeping the insecure lover calm.
Good advice, thank you.
Buffista Therapy Room: come in with the pieces of your psyche in your hand, leave with them glued together in new, unexpected, but surprisingly pleasing configurations.
edit: Possibly with added pinwheels and sparklers for effect.
COMMA'd!
Attenborough = awesome. Thanks for sharing highlights!
omnis, I spent lots of time alone reading as a child (not because I was grounded, but we didn't live on streets with other kids) and I am most definitely *not* okay with staying in my apartment by myself for days on end. I am a capital-E extrovert, and my times of unemployment were made more difficult by the depression being alone a lot brings me.
So. Lordy. I ended up canceling on my friend and going over to Z's house last night, because we seemed to be embroiled in a massive miscommunication. I think things are clearer now? I really hope so. Turns out having lively conversations with his female friend and mentioning (he called it "announcing") that I'm bi gave both of them the impression that I was more into her than him. Oy.
I spent the night, so of course I got almost no sleep (guess who snores? and guess whose hip was super painful?). Anyway, lots of good communication and stuff, and then this morning he shares that he's not ready to be exclusive and is dating someone else.
OH HAI INSECURITIES. I am simultaneously feeling super neurotic about this other chick and feeling a tiny bit grateful that a little pressure is off. Mostly neurotic, though. Who is she? What's she like? Is she prettier than me? Funnier? Less neurotic?!?!
Anyway, whatevs. Off to Doggies and Donuts, then the market, then I don't know what. I suspect a serious nap will happen sometime today.
billytea, thank you for sharing the David Attenborough stuff. Thanks to your talk over the years, the kids and I have now watched much of his work (some things many many times) and we just love him. When we recently saw a nature documentary that did not include him, Dillo was put off, as if something was wrong!
Sir David Attenborough
I want to be reincarnated as him.
then this morning he shares that he's not ready to be exclusive and is dating someone else. OH HAI INSECURITIES.
OH HAI oh hell no. Thanks for helping me define a boundary, there! I'm not sleeping with anybody who's sleeping with anybody else.
then this morning he shares that he's not ready to be exclusive and is dating someone else. OH HAI INSECURITIES.
Yikes! I'm kind of with Zen, and I think that's something that should be on the table before sex.
Who is she? What's she like? Is she prettier than me? Funnier? Less neurotic?!?!
It's probably that she has better friends. Tom and I were total snoozefests last night. I will not tell Tom about Z's revelations since he tends to be fiercely loyal and will consider this turn of events Less Than Honorable toward you. And we're hanging out tomorrow, so.
The guy replied with a "Wink". Okay, that's nice, still interested! but I need a verbal response, man. Use your words.
Oh, now it's funny. He Winked at me again, I think probably to let me know that he's changed his username. I Winked back, to say,
yes I see your new username.
It's like a shy-geek code.
If he Winks at me again, I'm gonna hunt him down. Enough already.
I hated the winking on OKC. HATED it. It was so namby-pamby; at least title it something less coy, like "Casual Grope."
But I met D through it, so it ain't all bad.
smonster, um. Yeah. Miscommunication? Sounds like he has it.
Did he have an issue with the idea of you being into this other woman, smonster? Or an issue with her being connected to him or doing it in front of him? I'm just wondering, since he's not interested in exclusivity, the mere concept shouldn't be a bother, so it's something about the how.
Confucius and Buckaroo Banzai both said "No matter where you go, there you are." I don't think they said it to each other, though.
Well, it probably should have come up before sex, but isn't the general assumption that you start out not exclusive, until exclusivity is declared?
I agree with ita that I'd be interested in knowing what his objection to your purported interest in the friend was, if he's not exclusive why would he have been expecting you to be?
