I hated the winking on OKC. HATED it. It was so namby-pamby; at least title it something less coy, like "Casual Grope."

But I met D through it, so it ain't all bad.

smonster, um. Yeah. Miscommunication? Sounds like he has it.

I'm following the dating/sex/etc. discussion with much interest. I won't go in to how long it's been since I've had anything resembling a date, or my various Issues. I'm not sure I even want to get into the dating or looking around pool, but it's nice to know y'all have got my back should I ever want to make another try at entering those waters.

What Anne said.

Did he have an issue with the idea of you being into this other woman, smonster? Or an issue with her being connected to him or doing it in front of him? I'm just wondering, since he's not interested in exclusivity, the mere concept shouldn't be a bother, so it's something about the how.

Confucius and Buckaroo Banzai both said "No matter where you go, there you are." I don't think they said it to each other, though.

Anyway, lots of good communication and stuff, and then this morning he shares that he's not ready to be exclusive and is dating someone else.

Wait, what? Goddammit.

Well, it probably should have come up before sex, but isn't the general assumption that you start out not exclusive, until exclusivity is declared?

I agree with ita that I'd be interested in knowing what his objection to your purported interest in the friend was, if he's not exclusive why would he have been expecting you to be?

Billytea, the Attenborough evening sounds fabulous. He's such an enthusiast, and it's infectious.

Sir David Attenborough

I want to be reincarnated as him.

Or his brother, Richard. The Overachieving Attenboroughs!

Thanks for helping me define a boundary, there!

You are welcome! He hasn't had sex with her, at least not yet. That may be an issue for me. He knows that I'm not seeing anyone nor am I planning to until I see where things go. But hey! I guess I can make out at Strix's party if I feel like it and the opportunity presents itself!

It's probably that she has better friends. Tom and I were total snoozefests last night.

Nuh uh! I thought Tom was quite funny, and you were your usual lively self. Z was the tired/stressed one.

I will not tell Tom about Z's revelations since he tends to be fiercely loyal and will consider this turn of events Less Than Honorable toward you. And we're hanging out tomorrow, so.

Ha! I'm picturing Tom smacking Z across the face with a glove and calling him a cad.

I liked the winking on OKC, and am sad it's gone. It was good for late night "hmm, you're cute but I can't think of anything witty right now."

Did he have an issue with the idea of you being into this other woman, smonster? Or an issue with her being connected to him or doing it in front of him?

I think that he was 1) unclear on the nuances of being bi, and having the common idea that it means "and" instead of "or" (at least for me) and 2) thought it meant I wasn't that into him. He keeps getting that idea, likely because I am having a hard time shifting out of the "play it cool" mode I got into with StW (which StW saw through anyway, but apparently Z does not).

I'm just wondering, since he's not interested in exclusivity, the mere concept shouldn't be a bother, so it's something about the how.

I don't think he's into poly or anything, I'm pretty sure he's a one-woman guy; he's just not sure yet that he wants a relationship with me.

I'm just feeling... vulnerable. Because I cancelled my plans last-minute to go over there, and expended a fair amount of (truthful) effort to explain myself and that I like him a lot and was finally feeling secure that he really likes me too, and then BOOM. I knew he was talking to other people, but didn't know he was seeing anyone else.

Part of me wants to see other people, too, but I think that's just a self-defensive impulse. ::shrugs::

Yeah, I understand the vulnerability. But it's good at least that you know where you stand on both sides so you're not dealing with the confusing signals so much.

It may be a self-defensive impulse, but that doesn't mean it's necessarily a bad one.

I feel like I would have twice the stress and anxiety about getting hurt/hurting someone else/making the right choice.

That could be true. You know what's best for you.

But in the meanwhile, you are fabulosity itself, you are smart, witty, lovely, and generous. That other girl better look out, because whoever ends up with you will be a super lucky person. I admire the way you live life out, that you keep on keeping on, and I believe there is future happiness for you out there.