I suggest approaching it from the other side and insisting that the two of you make a specific plan with boundaries for each likely scenario if you are going to move forward in this.

This makes sense. I mean, this is your home, too, isn't it, Steph? You should have a say who you share it with.

Damn, Tep. That is a Situation. But others have offered good advice and perspective already. I agree that Tim likely sees it as simply doing a good deed, not prioritizing relationships.

Liese is wise. Boundaries are a good, good thing.

Boundaries are everything. Managing expectations going in is huge. As Willow taught us, 'A vague disclaimer is nobody's friend.'

The one thing I would strongly suggest in an enormously difficult situation like this is to do the very best possible job of focusing on basic feelings, rather than going over a lot of details.

You don't have to justify your concerns with a lot of information Tim already has and may or may not agree with. The son's various failures/limitations etc. are public record. I don't say this to be flip or diminish the reality.

It's just that this info is immaterial compared to the real truth, which is that you want to feel comfortable, secure and at peace in your home. Nothing else trumps this truth.

The more down the road people get with arguing details, rather than feelings, the more hurt is available and the looonger the argument lasts.

God, those desperately downward spirally, circular battles that went on for hours and even days...I do not miss those in my life, I tell you what.

Sorry...right now I have nothing on the corpse-eye front. But I do have several scary books I might look in...would you like me to do that? I know it would be easier if I could say "twelve days," but it would be BS.

What David said. Seriously. Regardless of motives, this is not okay.

erika has scary books that might include information on corspe-eye collapse.

I'm amazed by how not surprised I am. This is a community to be reckoned with.

The hivemind, she fierce.

Yes, I have a field manual for homicide detectives that is probably the most expensive non-electronic thing in here, and a biography of somebody who works in an M.E.'s office. Barb, if that doesn't work, maybe you can call someone from your local medical examiner? They might be happy to talk to someone who doesn't cringe.

Another possible resource may be the University of Tennessee Body Farm where they lay out donated corpses on 2.5 acres to study their decomposition. You may have to wait until Monday to call them. 865-974-4408.

Out of curiousity I googled, and apparently there are many other body farms. The Wikipedia link: [link]

Any body farm should be able to answer your question.

Was Tim his stepfather at one point? If so I think I can see the impulse, but the extent needs to be reigned juuuuuuust a bit.

Billytea, my sister's industry is like that. With added 'it's bad luck for a woman to touch anything on a boat' goodness.

I think I'd be saying a lot of "Don't worry, I'm not having my period" and "That only matters if I'm menstruating, I'm not right now" or "You're right, I'm menstruating right now, I'd better not."

I have no idea if the superstition has anything to do with menstruation (it may well if indirectly) but periods are like KRYPTONITE to some guys (I'd bet folding money these guys) and it would be fun to watch them freak out.