Was Tim his stepfather at one point? If so I think I can see the impulse, but the extent needs to be reigned juuuuuuust a bit.

Billytea, my sister's industry is like that. With added 'it's bad luck for a woman to touch anything on a boat' goodness.

I think I'd be saying a lot of "Don't worry, I'm not having my period" and "That only matters if I'm menstruating, I'm not right now" or "You're right, I'm menstruating right now, I'd better not."

I have no idea if the superstition has anything to do with menstruation (it may well if indirectly) but periods are like KRYPTONITE to some guys (I'd bet folding money these guys) and it would be fun to watch them freak out.

I agree. When D's brother was having some trouble, I was ok with him coming and getting some breathing room here for a week. But if D had stated that he wanted him and his dog to be able to stay with us for a year until he got back on his feet, I would have no, that is aboslutely out of the question. And that's his BROTHER, not an ex's grown-ass son!

But let me ask, and I am only trying to get full information: had Tim stated that if things don't work out, he wants your house to be offered to whathisface? Is this explicit, or implicit?

And if it is not been said explicitly, then, in addition to the talk you need to have with Tim about how kindness and compassion needs to be extended even MORE completely to his partner than to ex's FuckupSon, then you need to talk about your fears and concerns and feelings that he is putting the needs of his ex's grown son above yours and about how this is leading to a crack in your solidness as a couple.

Compassion and kindness is a wonderful thing. But you deserve compassion, kindness and respect.

Your home is your refuge. I can't overemphasize this, esp. as you are not a person who likes or needs to be with people, or touched or out in social situations. Having this person in your home would be like being touched by strangers; it would be like acid eating away at you. This is not ok; it isn't an option. This person has made his own damn bed, and he will have to lie in it.

I might say (and here I am putting myself in your shoes; I hope you know I am only offering perspective and a suggestion for you perusal) "I am not uncompassionate. I know you feel responsibility and affection for him, and that is part of what makes me love you. But this is OUR home, and I cannot be comfortable in our -- my home -- with another person or his pet. This is what I can do before I go crazy: he can stay (and his little dog too) for X days. After that, no matter what, they both need to be elsewhere. we can work on strategies to get him help, to get him moved, but after that, he needs to rely on resources that do not take away my stability, comfort and peace. I can't handle it. And I shouldn't have to. This is not an ultimatum or a challenge or a throw-down. This is simply what I have to have to be a functioning human being. This is not about what I SHOULD do; this is about what I CAN do."

periods are like KRYPTONITE to some guys (I'd bet folding money these guys) and it would be fun to watch them freak out.

Ahaha. The badasses I work with won't buy their girls' tampons.

It always amazes me that some guys will do most anything to get INSIDE a vagina, but dealing with a vag as anything other than a penis-wallet is anathema.

My eye-rolling, let me show you it.

I totally agree with Erin (well said, dear) with one minor variation.

When in high dudgeon, it is easy to focus on the potentially awful stuff that hasn't happened yet. I firmly believe that focusing on the 'I'm going to lose it ifs' rather than on the 'here is what it will take for this to work out well for us's' just brings the negative outcome that much closer to reality.

Knowing Tim only by what I read here, it seems hard to imagine that he would want to sacrifice the awesome thing he's got going on for anything, much less this.

I can't think of a time in my own life when an angry ultimatum has ever gotten me what I thought I wanted. I've never heard, "Oh my god, you are totally right. I AM the world's biggest asshole and, knowing that, I will now do exactly what you ask."

I HAVE experienced my feelings being respected when I express them clearly, with perhaps less dudgeon than I actually feel. BUT, without piling on a bunch of stuff that is fodder for defensiveness (on both sides).

Tep, I think that you need to say

it's the fact that it's Tim's FORMER relationship that's taking precedence over his current one.

this to Tim, he may not realize. Also, if he is going to help the kid, the extent of the help has to be explicit as in "you can stay here for one week. After that, we are putting your stuff in storage, for which we will pay one month."

Also, I would not give him a key to the house. Which may seem harsh, and inconvenient for you, but it makes it clear that he is not staying.

Eyes are the first parts to rigidify. After seven days they're bulging from the sockets but still intact. Not sure exactly when they collapse.

Yeah, this is how far I was able to get with the information I've already found.

About a month, according to this: [link]

ETA: URL that was stripped out.

EATA: Very disturbing for those who don't handle details of decomposition well.

Urgh. I just totally broke down crying uncontrollably talking to my sister, and then my roommate. I really, REALLY, used up all my energy reserves for that fundraiser, and I'm still paying the price. All I've done today is smoke, drink coffee, and watch tv. And I wish I could keep going in that vein, but I really, really can't.

I do have several scary books I might look in...would you like me to do that? I know it would be easier if I could say "twelve days," but it would be BS.

That would rock, thanks. And yes the hivemind truly is fierce. I shall look into the body farm as well as checking out Daniel's link when I get home. You all are fabulous.

Have you eaten, smonster? You should eat.