Microfiber can do anything, in Natter:

DavidS: Wow, if Gene Roddenberry knew about microfiber cloths we'd never have to hear about reversing the polarity and tachyon fields for his technobabble plot solutions.

"Captain! We can't do Warp 43!" "Wrap the dilithium crystal in microfiber cloth and punch it!"

Tom Scola: They make you say "WOW!" every time!

DavidS: Funny, you don't look wow-ish.

ita: Can you wrap reality in microfiber and punch it too?

Ginger: I live alone. I own two hammers and sometimes can't find either.

Scola: I assumed it would go in a more Harriet Beecher Stowe direction.

Jessica: That would be unusually high-brow for urbandictionary.com.

ita: On urbanedictionary.com, maybe.

Once again, our Laura is the biggest optimist I know - cracking wise in the middle of upsettedness:

Laura: I watch House. No good could come from that.

erika in Bitches:

This is going to sound unFriendly because I'm touched by the response, but please nobody else Friend me on Facebook till I figure out how it'll let me on. Thanks

ita: tommy, you read a site called guyism.com?

tommyrot: I forgot how I ended up there.

billytea: That's where most of their traffic comes from, people trying to navigate the internet and refusing to ask for directions.

Erin, in Bitches, speaks for many:

What? Bitter? No, it's just th...FUCK YEAH I'M BITTER. This winter makes me wonder how more people in Scandanavian countries don't go absolutefiskly batshit and just start randomly battering things people with shoes and poles and moles and frozen otters and such. I finally fucking GET Vikings. I mean, I GET them. PILLAGE PILLAGE ARGH CABIN FEVER STUPID COLD PILLAGE BURN A MONASTERY IT'S FIRE!)

OVER. WINTER. NOW.

A hearty exchange of seasonal comments in Bitches--

Sean:HOLY MOTHER OF CRAP, I HAD FORGOTTEN WHAT REAL COLD IS LIKE.

Sorry for the asscaps.

Erin: here, have some more, Sean. We have plenty.

(What? Bitter? No, it's just th...FUCK YEAH I'M BITTER. This winter makes me wonder how more people in Scandanavian countries don't go absolutefiskly batshit and just start randomly battering things people with shoes and poles and moles and frozen otters and such. I finally fucking GET Vikings. I mean, I GET them. PILLAGE PILLAGE ARGH CABIN FEVER STUPID COLD PILLAGE BURN A MONASTERY IT'S FIRE!)

OVER. WINTER. NOW.

(and the following post)

AND I'M NOT SORRY FOR ASSCAPS.

I PILLAGE UR MONITORS!

Zenkitty with the followup:

Why is it cold in here, I wondered. Then I realized I'd opened a window and forgotten to close it. Duh. It's freezing out there, idiot. Leo the cat is sitting in the window, pining for freedom. He does not realize freedom comes with cold feet.

Also, What Erin Said.

Enough with the winter and the snow and the cold and the despair, already!

Dang, Calli beat me to it. It may be even better without the context.

Jessica: Heeeeeeeelp. I have no food in the house and no desire to get dressed and go outside to get food. And yet, still hungry.

javachik: Jess, pancakes? French toast? Order in pizza?

Jessica: Pizza would still require me to get cash first, which brings me back to the issue of pants.

Tom Scola: There isn't a pizza place near you that takes credit cards? Domino's or something?

tommyrot: Or a "no-pants" pizza place?

Jessica: There's Papa John's, but for a 4th-floor walk up, I don't like to tip on a card.

Gudanov: Papa John's will let you pay with a card when you order on-line.

ita: I would probably still put on pants for the delivery guy.

Gudanov: From my experience delivering pizza, I was just happy to get a tip.

ita: No pants preference?

Gudanov: I always wore pants when I delivered pizzas.

Perkins: You might have gotten more tips if you hadn't.