Your solution is to put Boromir and Eomer together. (A friend of mine has written a few stories. They're awesome.)
Harmony: Somebody remembered to pick me up the sweetest unicorn. Guess someone was feeling guilty for standing me up in tenth grade. Brad: What? Had to get her something. She sired me. Peaches: Sire-whipped.
'Beneath You'
Spike's Bitches 44: It's about the rules having changed.
[NAFDA] Spike-centric discussion. Lusty, lewd (only occasionally crude), risqué (and frisqué), bawdy (Oh, lawdy!), flirty ('cuz we're purty), raunchy talk inside. Caveat lector.
Dana - Oct 01, 2009 5:44:38 pm PDT #25008 of 30000
I'm terrifically busy with my ennui.
beth b - Oct 01, 2009 6:02:39 pm PDT #25009 of 30000
oh joy! Oh Rapture ! I have a brain!
I didn't get to read this thread until this evening.
1) Even though I haven't been to therapy , I have seen a number of people do some short term stuff and it helped them a lot. Sometimes an outside voice helps
2) There is crazy stuff going on in the job world. Sending out the ma~~~`
3) Talk of Chocolate reminded me that the restaurant down the street has chocolate mouse with sea salt. I want it now.
4) I never thought about orcs having sex, and I refuse to do so
beth b - Oct 01, 2009 6:04:05 pm PDT #25010 of 30000
oh joy! Oh Rapture ! I have a brain!
oh.... and which beer is the magic beer?
Steph L. - Oct 01, 2009 6:06:28 pm PDT #25011 of 30000
this mess was yours / now your mess is mine
Magic beer: [link]
DavidS - Oct 01, 2009 6:10:01 pm PDT #25012 of 30000
"Look, son, if it's good enough for Shirley Bassey, it's good enough for you."
The orcs don't have sex. There are no female orcs and the whole birth-giving process seems to take place in a firey pit of Mordor. Where's StuntHusband to address this Tolkiengeek Point! Actually, we're up to our armpits in Middle Earth experts. Bev, Sumi, Connie, Kate...
But no orc sex.
Sure, maybe some shy glances and footsie, but that's it.
tommyrot - Oct 01, 2009 6:12:15 pm PDT #25013 of 30000
Sir, it's not an offence to let your cat eat your bacon. Okay? And we don't arrest cats, I'm very sorry.
Sure, maybe some shy glances and footsie, but that's it.
Come on - you're saying they never ever hit the pub, get shitfaced and start to wonder... what it's like?
tommyrot - Oct 01, 2009 6:16:27 pm PDT #25014 of 30000
Sir, it's not an offence to let your cat eat your bacon. Okay? And we don't arrest cats, I'm very sorry.
...or maybe they think, "OK, so we can't eat the Hobbits...."
(Disclaimer. Not Merry and Pippin. Some other Hobbits no one's ever heard of.)
DavidS - Oct 01, 2009 6:18:33 pm PDT #25015 of 30000
"Look, son, if it's good enough for Shirley Bassey, it's good enough for you."
Come on - you're saying they never ever hit the pub, get shitfaced and start to wonder... what it's like?
I expect shitfaced orcs sublimate their sexual urges into acts of random cannibalism. A little ear nibble and then...lobe-chomp!
§ ita § - Oct 01, 2009 6:20:12 pm PDT #25016 of 30000
Well not canonically, no, but this is transformative fiction.
The Boy is right because there is NO SEX in Middle Earth.
Except for Sam and Frodo.
In movie!Middle Earth Aragorn and Legolas are totally getting it on. In book!Middle Earth Legolas and Gimli are an item.
maybe some shy glances and footsie, but that's it.
Lurtz makes shy glances at no one. But he's Uruk Hai. It's the Uruk Hai that are born at Mordor--a special breed of Saruman's. Garden variety orcs are corrupted elves.
tommyrot - Oct 01, 2009 6:21:45 pm PDT #25017 of 30000
Sir, it's not an offence to let your cat eat your bacon. Okay? And we don't arrest cats, I'm very sorry.
Quick - someone ask StuntHusband if Orcs have sex....
eta: That didn't look right....