Oh yeah, blink and you miss it, he grins and points at the dudes in uniform as they walk past. Yeah yeah, he could be wishing he was in 1940's military dress A's, but he the fact that he chose "I'd dig wearing that" over "I'd dig stripping that" is suspect.

Okay, so I'm reading a fic that's bringing real angels into season 2's episode Touched. And it hit me like it never really did before that John, man obsessed to the point of abuse and neglect wrt to his children, gave up his life's mission to save one of his sons. He deliberately let his obesssion, the object of his life's mission to kill, kill him. As a point of pride and stubbornness, that is huge. The fact that he just wasn't losing his life, but being sent to hell is enormous. That he was able to step back from the brink of obsession, that he hadn't lost sight of what was truly important, in the end. He wasn't a Gordan (oh Dean!).

I know that was all there during his deal, but the weight of it didn't hit me until just now. There's more niggling at me that counters all this, but let me bask in my moment.

Even though it's totally not how you raise and nurture kids, that's a big portion of why I can't hate John. He's a lousy father in almost every practical sense, but by god, he CARED. Fiercely and absolutely, he cared.

I was just reading a D/C that covered the pre-series of Amy the kitsune (introducing Castiel into their lives at that point), and it was interesting from John and Sam's POVs. It was kinda clunky, but I liked the idea. Lotsa fierce John. And Sam.

Sometimes I think about the father John would have been if Mary had lived, to figure out which traits would have surfaced anyway and which were directly a result of him being alone and parenting two very small children on his own after the violent, horrifying, mysterious death of his wife.

That's trauma enough, but I think people forget how young the boys were -- parenting a six-month-old baby on your own would be incredibly hard, and then you add a grieving four-year-old to the equation. Plus, as involved and loving as I assume he was while Mary was alive, he was still working full-time, so he would have missed a lot of the daily grind of fussiness and diapers and naplessness and toilet training.

I'm willing to forgive him a lot, I guess, even when I know I probably shouldn't.

Sometimes I think about the father John would have been if Mary had lived

I think probably fairly decent, but would probably trip up frequently by his own stubbornness. I could also see there being problems if he didn't admit when something was wrong (e.g. him not telling Mary he'd lost his job).

I didn't realize that I thought John might have been an awesome dad but for Yellow Eyes until Dark Side of the Moon, and Dean's "happy" memory of Mom arguing on the phone and the revelation that John "moved out for a few days", and that it was an argument they'd had before. I like the realism that their marriage wasn't perfect until after Mary died. It still bugs that it's part of Dean's greatest hits in Heaven.

That shit is exactly why my panties belong to Dean. That his best memories are where he did things for people, that his self esteem is that low, that it is so twisted in up in who he is that he's there for Sam, being a more fun parent, that he's there for his mother at age *four* acting in lieu of his Dad again--to know that the emotional incest thing he had going on with John was something he was totally ripe for before Mary died.

That's the great big idiot I love so much.

OMG you're right! Ha!

I'm watching seeing wee!Dean watch his parents fight. Dean's watching and being there for his mom, with no blame on anyone.

Dean, you are one fucked up dude.

I need to watch In my Time of Dying because John giving Dean credit for everything that he did, kills me every damn time. John loved his boys and I love John (and his boys).

I was trying to think what to do and I guess this is a sign to continue my season one rewatch on Netflix. That pilot was pretty good. I'd watch that show. How was it ever explained that the Woman in White was able to attack Sam? Sam said he hadn't been unfaithful and she said, "you will be". Did that ever pan out to have any significance outside of the episode? Cause I don't remember Sam ever being unfaithful.

I love that D/C is doing so well in E!'s top couples. I hope someone has alerted Misha so he can rally his minions. D/C is definitely more worthy than Glee.

I didn't take it as any meaningful prophecy on the Woman in White's part, just that she was deep into her "All men are CHEATERZ!!!1!" mindset and was punishing the latest guy she met for what she assumed he'd do given the chance.