Great! You're so dead on about the narration, and making that crisper so that the POV is far more clear.
But if the world doesn't end, I'm gonna need a note.
Cordelia ,'Potential'
The Great Write Way, Act Three: Where's the gun?
A place for Buffistas to discuss, beta and otherwise deal and dish on their non-fan fiction projects.
Allyson - Aug 14, 2008 12:33:46 pm PDT #651 of 6681
Wait, is this real-world child support, where the money goes to buy food for the kids, or MRA fantasyland child support where the women just buy Ferraris and cocaine? -Jessica
Barb - Aug 14, 2008 12:37:52 pm PDT #652 of 6681
“Not dead yet!”
A good cheat, if you want to try it, is to take a section and change the pronouns to "I" for the character whose POV you want to highlight. In other words, sort of a poor man's first person POV-- it's a quick way to delineate where you want the POV shifts.
Liese S. - Aug 14, 2008 12:59:20 pm PDT #653 of 6681
"Faded like the lilac, he thought."
Good. I'm fairly new to betaing, so I'm never sure if I'm giving the right kind of feedback. But I'm really excited about this book.
And I almost bought a bathouse today, and I was thinking of you! Normally, I'd be thinking of Jilli, because it had a supercute bat insignia on it.
Stephanie - Aug 14, 2008 2:26:48 pm PDT #654 of 6681
Trust my rage
I'm ste_noni
Barb - Aug 15, 2008 6:07:20 am PDT #655 of 6681
“Not dead yet!”
Anybody about for a beta? Longish chapter one-- reworked, of my skating romance. Agent Kate wanted more tension and I'm hoping I accomplished it.
SailAweigh - Aug 15, 2008 6:09:18 am PDT #656 of 6681
Nana korobi, ya oki. (Fall down seven times, stand up eight.) ~Yuzuru Hanyu/Japanese proverb
How long are you willing to wait for input, Barb? I'm at work, where I can't really devote my attention to it, but I'd love to take a look at it.
Barb - Aug 15, 2008 6:15:26 am PDT #657 of 6681
“Not dead yet!”
I'm going to be tinkering all weekend, Sail, so no huge hurry, other than the typical author neuroses. *g* You want I should send?
SailAweigh - Aug 15, 2008 6:17:28 am PDT #658 of 6681
Nana korobi, ya oki. (Fall down seven times, stand up eight.) ~Yuzuru Hanyu/Japanese proverb
Sure, send it to me at work, I can sneak a peek or two at it throughout the day. (It's very slow here, I have a week to go with nothing to do.)
Ellen dot Morin at GE dot com
Allyson - Aug 15, 2008 8:40:15 am PDT #659 of 6681
Wait, is this real-world child support, where the money goes to buy food for the kids, or MRA fantasyland child support where the women just buy Ferraris and cocaine? -Jessica
I added you, Stephanie.
Typo Boy - Aug 15, 2008 8:56:45 am PDT #660 of 6681
Calli: My people have a saying. A man who trusts can never be betrayed, only mistaken.Avon: Life expectancy among your people must be extremely short.
If you want another Beta, feel free to send along. Profile addy good.