And I gotta weigh in as a bitter agnostic: How nice do you have to be to people who think you deserve eternal torment?

I sliced my finger open on a cat food can and went into shock. (1) That was the only time I've gone into shock. (2) I was giving a recently declawed cat the cat food. It was revenge on me!

People, you gotta look at that John Fitzgerald Page page. [link] I fixed the link. It is FANTASTIC. Here are some of his accomplishments:

I am an avid traveler and have been to St. Thomas & St. John, Aruba and Zurich. I have lived in / visited almost every major city in the United States, having seen 38 of the 50 states.

I am well connected, having lunched with the U.S. Secretary of Defense & the U.S. Ambassador to South Africa during the time I spent in Washington, D.C.

I have been in the "fame game" for years, meeting celebrities like Luke Perry, Cynthia Nixon, Dave Matthews, Jeff Foxworthy, Joe Montana, Toby Keith & LeAnn Rimes to name a few.

I like the pictures Cute Overload as much as the next person, but the writing has gotten way. too. cloying. I can only take it in small doses anymore.

I think that guy might be the King of All Douchebags.

The plumber had to cancel the rest of his appointments. He just pulled a couple of toothbrushes out of our upstairs toilet. He had to unseat the thing and had to run out and get a new wax ring. I wonder what he's going to find in the downstairs toilet.

::headdesk::

Carpet cleaners were here today, too. DH heard them exclaim "DAY-UM!" when they moved our bed. Guess they weren't expecting dust bunnies that size.

He looks like Ron Perlman in his Beast makeup. And he's still uglier.

I still have a scar on my finger, but at least I didn't miss a day of work! I guess...

I think ROn Perlman in his Beast Make-up is kinda hot....that guy is no where near hot.

Also, when he lists he measurements, he lists his waist as 34 x 32. Um, that is your pant size, dumbass. Also, he is a 36 unless his pictures are seriously whack.

Cash, look at it this way: when my mom accidentally flushed a deoderant container, the toilet broke during removal (also had to unseat it) and it took a day to get a new one. So at least you still have the toilet.

My ER criteria is "is it spurting?"

Of course, last time I had a spurting wound, did I go to the ER? Why no. Which is how I ended up with a piece of glass in my foot for 3 or so months. I'll blame my parents though. I was 11.

Work is leaving me flailing and dizzy every.single.day.

Douchebag's skills:

SPORTS:

Soccer (State Championship Game), Bowling & Archery (State Championship Match), Baseball, Skiing, Swimming, Weightlifting (Bench & Leg Press/Squat over 1200 lbs. combined), Golf (Hole in One), Volleyball, Football, Billiards, Softball

DIALECTS & ACCENTS: English, Southern, New Yorker, Aristocrat, British, Irish, Australian, French, Indian

IMPRESSIONS & COMEDY: Published/Edited Humor Magazine in College, Quick Wit LOOKALIKES:

Will Ferrell Steven Seagal, Bruce Campbell, Ben Affleck Matthew Perry (74%), Mathew Fox (70%), Kyle McLaughlin (70%), Jason Priestly (70%) Patrick Swayze (68%), Simon LeBon (67%), Nick Lachey (66%), Ryan Phillippe (64%) Jesse Metcalfe (64%), Tom Cruise (64%), Matt Damon (63%), Billy Zane (62%) Hugh Grant (60%), Heath Ledger (58%), Luke Perry (57%), Val Kilmer (56%) Lance Armstrong (53%), Paul Walker (52%), Fabio (48%) (Percentages calculated by MyHeritage Face Recognition Software)

That celebrity lookalikes thing is my favorite part. Is he going to post himself as a Simpsons character next?