I can't picture Bill Gates being able to handle ninjas all that well. Maybe he has a time machine, and he brought a Samurai warrior into the present to be his bodyguard.

Samurai had cool armor. Plus the whole "fish out of water" thing would make for great TV.

And remember the "Scorpio" episode of The Simpsons?

God that was hilarious. Best thing Albert Brooks ever did since DEFENDING YOUR LIFE.

Why do you think Bill Gates lives in the "smart house"? That shit defends him better than SARAH ever will.

The morning was supposed to go like this:

Sleep in a bit. Pick up coworker from the airport. Go to 10AM workshop.

The morning, so far, has been this:

Wake up before alarm, despite tiredness and fervent desire for more sleep. Find out coworker's flight is delayed over an hour, at this point. Get interrupted while watching last night's "The Office" and am told that someone else will pick her up from the airport, so head to office nearly an hour later than usual, meaning rush-hour traffic is in full swing.

Sit at desk. Hate world.

Oh wait - it would probably be Melinda Gates who would probably have the fighting prowess. What with her having to defend Bill from random attacks by Linus Torvald's wife (who was once some martial arts champion of Finland, for reals).

And remember the "Scorpio" episode of The Simpsons?

God that was hilarious. Best thing Albert Brooks ever did since DEFENDING YOUR LIFE.

"Uh... you have any sugar around here?"

"Sugar? Sure." [takes two handfuls of sugar out of his pockets] "There you go. Sorry it's not in packages. Want some cream?" [reaches back into his pockets]

"Uh... I... no." [backs away slowly]

Wake up before alarm, despite tiredness and fervent desire for more sleep.

I woke up at 5AM and stumbled around moaning "WHY IS IT SO DARK? WHY DO I FEEL LIKE I'M DYING?" for a few minutes before I thought to look at a clock.

Wake up before alarm, despite tiredness and fervent desire for more sleep.

You've just described nearly every day I've had for the last I don't know how many years.

I was reading an article the other day about people with anaemia and hypothyroidism and the like, and how tiredeness was the main symptom. They were talking about how they could easily sleep for twelve hours straight and finding it difficult to find the energy for everyday tasks. What if you're like that, and you don't have an excuse? Do The Lazies count as an excuse?

On Today's Papers this morning I heard the story about a local reporter who got fired because he chronically overslept. A few months later, he was diagnosed with testicular cancer, and he figures that must have been the source of his sleepiness.

The only conclusion I can draw from this is that Dana has testicular cancer.