P-C, I was thinking about your biodata while trapped in neverending traffic on the Bay Bridge earlier today... others here have said it better, but I just wanted to chime in and nodnodnod along with them.

What you wrote is likely to net you a smaller pool of interested women, but a much larger percentage of those women will be genuinely interested, and likely to be interesting to you. Fewer responses, maybe, but a better chance of a true, happy match among the responses you do get.

None of it is going to be totally arranged out of the blue without the two of you even ever meeting in the flesh and getting a chance to back out, is it? Because I can imagine someone a little stiff and extremely wedded to tradition (maybe someone a bit like a younger version of your parents) and her parents reading a P-C's-mom-approved biodata sheet, and then meeting the actual you, finding him strange and offputting, and backing off feeling vaguely cheated and lied to. And I can see someone who would get you, and the parents who get her, reading a P-C's-mom-approved biodata sheet, feeling like that's just the sort of stiff dullish young man they can't see their daughter being happy with, and skipping right past you.

In short, yeah, your mom is wrong like a wrong thing on this. Probably with the best intentions, probably all fearful for your not-like-herness and the lonely future she's convinced herself you're doomed to unless you start behaving like -- well, like someone completely not yourself in any way -- but intentions and all, she's just wrong.

Vibing hard for resolve and kindness and patience and no tears when you have the inevitable talk with her about this one.

Oh, and shit, Cindy, what a brutal week! Too much sick and miserable for one family in one week. Yay on no pneumonia, but I am giving the rest of your past week the stinkeye and glaring meaningfully at the week to come.

Cindy, I am sending all the love and ~ma I can spare toward you and yours. Having been the asthmatic/allergic child in that drama, I know it's no fun for anyone involved.

Poor Ben. Poor Cindy. Poor Cindy's DH. Some of the older sulfa drugs are pretty effective on respiratory diseases. Inhaled steroids don't really affect the immune system, and they'll make him feel better.

Yes, I am the queen of the respiratory infection.

Yes, I am the queen of the respiratory infection.

Oh, how cool -- I'm in Ginger's royal family. This makes me very happy.

Oh, Cindy, what a horrific weekend! I hope Ben's on the mend and that you guys all get some good rest tonight.

Speaking of rest, I finally slept! For three whole hours! And I just took my night meds and am about to head back to bed, where hopefully I'll sleep through the night. Tomorrow is my long day at school. Can't miss it.

I made popcorn for dinner, which is totally not good for me, but I'm too tired to do anything else.

P-C, I was thinking about your biodata while trapped in neverending traffic on the Bay Bridge earlier today

You're the sweetest.

None of it is going to be totally arranged out of the blue without the two of you even ever meeting in the flesh and getting a chance to back out, is it?

No, I do get veto power. And I don't want to waste my time vetoing girls for two years.

Because I can imagine someone a little stiff and extremely wedded to tradition (maybe someone a bit like a younger version of your parents) and her parents reading a P-C's-mom-approved biodata sheet, and then meeting the actual you, finding him strange and offputting, and backing off feeling vaguely cheated and lied to. And I can see someone who would get you, and the parents who get her, reading a P-C's-mom-approved biodata sheet, feeling like that's just the sort of stiff dullish young man they can't see their daughter being happy with, and skipping right past you.

Oh, wow, thanks for putting it in those terms. I think that may help make things clear to her.

Oh, who am I kidding. This is never going to work. They're always right, and I'm always wrong, and I'm always right, and they're always wrong.

Much ~ma to Ben and you, Cindy.

P-C, I have been thinking about you all day today, and wishing I had something good to say. Many wise things have already been said. You are being a good dutiful son in honoring your mother's wishes in cooperating with her plan. You are not being rebellious or heedless. You are simply honoring your own needs and wishes in conjunction with hers.

Oh, who am I kidding. This is never going to work. They're always right, and I'm always wrong, and I'm always right, and they're always wrong.

But JZ's advice? Really good. And maybe she'll listen a little and you won't have to spend years vetoing obviously wrong for you women. Maybe just eighteen months.

P-C. that's black and white thinkikng and won't get you anywhere. They THINK they're right. They will always thinkt hey're tight, but so what? The point is to get them to do what you want, not to think like you. I think marshalling arguments in favor of running your biodata your way is the way to go. Maybe offering to do it your way for a year and if it deosn't work trying her way will do it--especially if you tell her the alternative is not to do it at all.