I think this may be my problem with it (as in why I kind of suck at it) - I'm self-conscious about the fact that it's not actually interesting, anything I'm saying or listening to. But I really don't think about it that much. I just soldier on through it when necessary.

I think of it as sort of conversational foreplay. You make a couple gambits while exchanging pleasantries to see if the other person has a sense of humor or irony or has an interesting tale to tell. If not, well at least there were no awkward silences to cringe up the evening.

Standard fallbacks: sports, travel, movies, books. Weather as a last resort. How about those Mets?

See, I generally love and am good at small talk.

It's actual conversations of meaning that are hard.

Travel and movies, I can do. Books I'm pretty good with, though considering how bad I am about remembering titles and authors, it can be dangerous ground. Sports? Not so much. Unless I've read the sports page that day for just that reason.

It's the rhythms of it that can throw me sometimes. Like, I would probably do fine with Hec or Plei, since they're both good at it. But me and another me... we might run into some of those awkward cringey moments.

If not, well at least there were no awkward silences to cringe up the evening.

What's interesting to me is in some cultures, the "awkward silence" is in fact considered better than small talk just for the sake of avoiding the silence.

At parties or dinners, I always start with "How do you know the {Host/hostess/inviting body}?" because that usually involves them telling you a bit about themselves. ("We play in the same Bluegrass jam band" or "I'm here because my company makes the software you use.") I look for something interesting to talk about and you can ususally find it. Because people? Freaky.

Because people? Freaky.

That's my credo! You just gotta find their freak. Some will not reveal it, but you'd be surprised how many people want to talk about their thang.

I can do small talk, I just don't enjoy it. If there's not enough there there to sustain an actual conversation, I'd almost always rather be elsewhere.

Travel, books and movies don't count as small talk -- those are subjects well worth talking about. Small talk is content-free filler.

Travel, books and movies don't count as small talk -- those are subjects well worth talking about. Small talk is content-free filler.

No, you're correct. I meant that I used those subjects as transitions out of small talk. Even otherwise uninteresting people can go to Seville or Bangkok and tell you something interesting.

I think of small talk as the conversation that you have with the neighbor that you know because you happen to come out of your house at the same time. it ranges from the 'it's a nice day. I'm going for a walk. good day for it ' kind of conversation that I had with man from pakistan that had very little english to the conversations about the big tomcat that roams the neighbohood, the idiots who drive really fast in our neighborhoosd with souped up cars , to the renevations that someone is doing down the street. None of these conversations have any real meaning, but they do a lot to state "I belong here". The harder ones are the business social events. When you might have to spend way too much time talking about how pretty the building is , or why the current weather is perfect or odd. Shopping is the other neutral topic.Those are hard, because as 'wife' I don't want to stand out.

I can do small talk, I just don't enjoy it. If there's not enough there there to sustain an actual conversation, I'd almost always rather be elsewhere.

Same for me.

I have the additional problem that if I really don't want to be talking to the person (or if I just don't like them), no matter how hard I try I can't hide that fact. A perceptive person will pick up on my dislike. I hate that, as I don't want to be a jerk....