Boy, this has been an interesting discussion to read. It's reminded me, though, of the other spectrum...how many times I've been told that it'd be irresponsible for me to have children. And I do think about it and wonder if it would be worth it, or if I should try to fight for the right to adopt.

Then I wonder what kind of parent I would be. I've changed so much since the days where I was so certain in my parenting skills. I actually told one of my two-year-old's the other day, "It's ok to be angry. You can be angry." One of the other little girls responded, "He's not angry! He wants his mom!" And, I was like, whoa. Ok, so what works for me may not work for kids. Hmmm...interesting.

puts away cable knit sweaters to save for when Jilli grows out of the Goth thing

Gosh, how, er, thoughtful. Or something.

I wish I could say I was surprised, but I'm not.

There are so many times when I want to reply to people with "So, why did you think that's an appropriate thing to say to anyone, much less another adult?" But then I realize that I probably don't want to have That Sort Of Discussion with someone who would say things like that, anyway.

Btw, Plei?

I'm twitchy about this, because I *know* I'm judged by SAHM friends for working and having my kid in daycare, for not totally subsuming myself under the needs of the child. I strive to be good enough as a parent, and to raise a kid who is as happy and well-adjusted as possible, but not by sacrificing myself on the alter of a mythical perfect childhood.

I think that this is what makes you a healthy parent, which in my mind translates to a good one.

Miss you, too babycakes.

Gosh, how, er, thoughtful. Or something.

Always lookin' out, babe.

I think that this is what makes you a healthy parent, which in my mind translates to a good one.

Thanks!

I'm constantly shocked and alarmed by the various messages parents get, and the way parents judge other parents. I mean, what works for your family doesn't have to work for mine, you know?

There are pros and cons to everything. Would Lillian be happier with me at home all the time? Probably. But on the pro side, she's being raised with the notion of a professional woman as the norm, so it's a trade off.

For myself, I want to have kids. I've known I wanted to be a husband and father since I was about thirteen. My younger brother, on the other hand, has old anyone who asks (and once he's had enough to drink, pretty much anyone who will listen) that he's never having kids because of the risk that they would turn out like him (he was a rotten kid). And now I have the perfect line for him, for I will have to send him that "Genetically speaking, my balls are full of POISON!" quote. (I guess that means mine are only half full of poison.)

On which note, I love having four siblings. Of course, that's partially dependent on the siblings in question, though not (as it turns out) on them all being reasonable human beings.

I mean, what works for your family doesn't have to work for mine, you know?

See, that's teh sanity talking again. You should really watch that.

Being childless somehow meant that we weren't a "real" family--that we weren't "real" adults.

That never really goes away. I, for example, have only spent one Christmas in my house, and it took chemo for that to happen.

I think all the Buffista parents are wonderful parents, and they give me my required quota of cute kid quotes and pictures.

I mean, how else could you contend that decent people would rise to the occasion? What subtlety am I missing here?

I don't think would-make-a-good-parent equals decency. I'm just talking about some basic combination of ethics, empathy and the ability to act on those impulses. It's not neutral behavior, but the capacity to do good for others. Doesn't mean you'd have to dedicate your life to that pursuit.

I'm twitchy about this, because I *know* I'm judged by SAHM friends for working and having my kid in daycare, for not totally subsuming myself under the needs of the child. I strive to be good enough as a parent, and to raise a kid who is as happy and well-adjusted as possible, but not by sacrificing myself on the alter of a mythical perfect childhood.

People get extremely judgmental about parenting choices: breastfeeding, discipline, circumcision, diapers, sleeping arrangements.

You know what I think matters in most instances? Constancy. I think a lot about the time EM and I had to help Emmett through his anxieties about the baseball tryouts last year. I think about it because it was such a huge exception. It required strategizing and doing the right thing in the right way at the right time.

The vast majority of parenting doesn't require exceptional delicacy and nuance and balance. It's mostly about being there, and being emotionally stable, and taking care of stuff. You make mistakes or have your little triumphs, but if you show up and do the dishes and do the laundry and help with the homework and are affectionate and don't ignore them then you're mostly doing fine.

ACK!

It's like the apocalypse outside right now! Rain and thunder and wind, oh my!