If I got pregnant and decided to parent a child and did it badly, would I have to turn in my "decent" card? I mean, assuming I have one.

I know people who are beyond decent, who are flat out good, but I think would be sub-par parents.

How are you defining badly? What makes a person a sub-par parent? My brother's a bad parent. He never (or rarely) sees his kid, and flakes on commitments beyond sending money to the account. He's not abusive, he's just not around.

Most people will, at the least, be okay parents. They'll raise reasonably productive members of society who'll go on to raise other reasonably productive members of society, and so on and so forth.

I'm twitchy about this, because I *know* I'm judged by SAHM friends for working and having my kid in daycare, for not totally subsuming myself under the needs of the child. I strive to be good enough as a parent, and to raise a kid who is as happy and well-adjusted as possible, but not by sacrificing myself on the alter of a mythical perfect childhood.

Skimmy skimmy at work skimmy.

Fascinating kids talk, and I'd like to chime in, but I only really have time to kick myself for not including sj in the list of Bitches I Have Not Met But Really Want to Because They Are Like Unto Blood Family to Me.

Also Cindy. Except that I have met victor, which I guess technically means I have met Cindy.

I hope I haven't excluded anybody else. I've met so many of you, and you all mean quite a great deal to me, I sometimes forget who I haven't met.

How are you defining badly? What makes a person a sub-par parent? My brother's a bad parent. He never (or rarely) sees his kid, and flakes on commitments beyond sending money to the account. He's not abusive, he's just not around.

I'd go with that as a bad parent--it's probably the easiest way to not be doing the job well.

We all come up with neuroses--we're human. But I've seen people where everything screams that they'd be happier childless, and do more good childless, but they're not and they have kids they don't know how to nurture, and at whom they throw money instead of affection, and try and avoid making parenting decisions as much as possible.

Now, I know parents who realise this in themselves and install a different nurturer in their children's lives. That's recognising and addressing a shortcoming, and in the end, the kids'll probably be okay for it. Different maybe, but okay.

But not all of them do that.

And clips...check it out, I have a clip file...

erika, that's awesome. And the thing about them being lucky to have you? Totally true.

Hrm. Perhaps brakes are not needed for meara, but a line in the sand that can be re-assessed in a few months?

SO TIRED. Please to let me go home now.

I have some discomfort with calling childlessness "a life of one's own."

Well, as you noted, Robin, it's a semantic thing. I admit that I was using it as sloppy shorthand for "a life that is unencumbered by having, raising, and caring for one's own offspring." That's all I meant.

I didn't mean that parents don't have their own lives; and I don't mean that non-parents have lives that are totally unencumbered by any external demand.

I apologize for my sloppy shorthand semantics. I didn't mean to offend parents or non-parents; all of your lives are your own and equally valid.

Steph, I, for one, was not offended in the least. If it matters, what with me being a breeder and all.

t winks

I love being a mom. I would hope that noone thought less of me for loving being a mom. I would never think less of anyone for not wanting to be a parent. It just means that you are the person I come to when I have no money.

Heh. I think I'm just worried about getting my heart broken. Which of course, is impossible to predict/prevent(in a sane way)/etc.

Stupid realtionship crap.

I'm completely glad about it...especially when I think about how I worried about that starting out...I wish I had thought in terms of doing it piece by piece cause that's how it happened. Bird by bird, you might say. And I have references beyond the One Prof Who Doesn't Think I'm A Mental Patient, as in college.(My nerves were...not that strong, in school. I still feel bad about that, even thinking about all the demands I had on them.)

Teppy--I knew as an editrix, you'd understrand that it was merely semantic for me! I knew you didn't mean it the way I took it. It is a phrase I have heard others use (and mean) so I thought it was worth bringing up.

I apologize for my sloppy shorthand semantics. I didn't mean to offend parents or non-parents; all of your lives are your own and equally valid.

Teppy, I didn't even know that Robin was responding to you (I had to skim a bit since I'm still at work). I was responding to the topic in general, not your comment. No worries on my end!