I think there's still a strong cultural bias that contends that Parenthood is the right and natural role of adulthood. That people that don't choose it are selfish or immature or something.

It is definitely very much entrenched. I've been agonizing about it SIMPLY BECAUSE of the cultural norm. I don't even know what I think about it anymore.

A friend actually told me that people who don't have children are more selfish than those who do, because there's nothing like having a kid to make a person have to really give of themselves and sacrifice.

And I thought, but didn't say -- because I hate conflict and so I wuss out and never say what I'm thinking -- bullshit. I know plenty of people with kids who *never* got past the idea that it was All About Them, and parenthood most definitely didn't turn them into Mother Theresa.

That said, I think that being a parent *can* cause a person to realize they've been too self-focused, but in general, if you're a selfish ass before you have kids, you're pretty much going to stay a selfish ass *after* you have kids.

I think I might have been an ok mom, but not great. but I might have had to kill someone durring the very dependant years ( not the child, just someone to take out my fustrations of having no time to me ). Matt would have been a great dad . Despite being a major softie - he wold have figured out the no concept. I am guessing he would have had a harder tiem with the fight for indepedence stage.

and I will be having oatmeal for lunch because chewing is not fun.

Erika, that was the DH's reaction to parenthood. He said "I am not so attached to my DNA that I want to see it replicated."

I have no great desire to make sure my genes are passed on... of course, they already are, and I don't have to do the work.

I wonder if I'd feel the same way about passing on my genes if I wasn't Bio-Pop....

I always thought that I would want kids. But mostly, I just want to *want* kids. It bothers me more than I care to admit that I don't have any great urge to have kids. Particularly since I'm in a relationship with someone who does want kids and who would be a great dad.

t edit I'm not particularly opposed to having kids; I just don't think my biological clock was ever installed. Or turned on, or something. Plus, I *am* a selfish dick, and I don't think I would be a good mom.

I am not so attached to my DNA that I want to see it replicated.

I am, dammit! Well, not primarily your DH's, although he's got a fine pair of strands, not that I was looking.

Then again, I'm medical low-level crapshoot...but maybe the right guy could patch up my alleles...

I might feel differently if I ever a. Pull my life together or b. meet the absolute LOML.(Because I'm not one of the women who could do it by herself, and I would want my kids to have two parents in a way that I sort of didn't.) It would be nice, but I don't feel that I *need* to. Because there are plenty of kids that don't get enough, if I ever find I have any wisdom to pass on.

Having kids is such an enormously personal decision -- I mean, it's a lifetime commitment, you know? People *assuming* that everyone who's married should begin procreating right away is one of the most arrogant things ever.

When I was young -- like, *really* young -- I thought I would have five or six kids, do the total earth mother thing, yadda babycakes. Then I had Jake. And it took me four and a half years to consider having another another. I love my kids, and I love raising them, but I've learned quite well how selfish I am, and that spacing the kids out was really necessary for my sanity. I adore infants -- but I adore them so much more when I can play with them for an hour and then hand them back to someone else.

The worst nosy breeders questions I've heard of were actually ones several people asked my sister after she had her first kid--oldest niece was born with a very serious heart condition that required two open heart surgeries before she was three, so any thoughts of having a second child were put off for several years. After about 2 years, people started asking her when she was going to get pregnant again, since clearly being an only child wasn't acceptable.

Why do people *care*?