I might feel differently if I ever a. Pull my life together or b. meet the absolute LOML.(Because I'm not one of the women who could do it by herself, and I would want my kids to have two parents in a way that I sort of didn't.) It would be nice, but I don't feel that I *need* to. Because there are plenty of kids that don't get enough, if I ever find I have any wisdom to pass on.

Having kids is such an enormously personal decision -- I mean, it's a lifetime commitment, you know? People *assuming* that everyone who's married should begin procreating right away is one of the most arrogant things ever.

When I was young -- like, *really* young -- I thought I would have five or six kids, do the total earth mother thing, yadda babycakes. Then I had Jake. And it took me four and a half years to consider having another another. I love my kids, and I love raising them, but I've learned quite well how selfish I am, and that spacing the kids out was really necessary for my sanity. I adore infants -- but I adore them so much more when I can play with them for an hour and then hand them back to someone else.

The worst nosy breeders questions I've heard of were actually ones several people asked my sister after she had her first kid--oldest niece was born with a very serious heart condition that required two open heart surgeries before she was three, so any thoughts of having a second child were put off for several years. After about 2 years, people started asking her when she was going to get pregnant again, since clearly being an only child wasn't acceptable.

Why do people *care*?

After about 2 years, people started asking her when she was going to get pregnant again, since clearly being an only child wasn't acceptable.

Heh.

People ask me about when I'm having another ALL the time.

And, you know, no.

No more. Between bedrest and blood pressure and the pain of just getting pregnant and staying that way in the first place, NO. I can't do that again.

So, you know, I spork them.

So, you know, I spork them.

We should all begin to carry sporks with us at all times just for such moments.

Why do people *care*?

I think there's a definite element of people wanting their own choices validated -- if they have kids, they want everyone else to do the same, because then they're part of the norm.

I think there's an element of jealousy, too -- I think a lot of people with kids would never *want* to admit to thinking about what their lives would be like if they'd opted out of parenthood, so seeing other people make that choice is a thorn in the side -- "How come they get to [perceived image of endless travel, parties evey night, more spenging money, no one throwing up on you at 3 a.m.], when I didn't?"

I love being an only child. Maybe that makes me a selfish ass. I dunno.

I'd rather not have been an only child. I don't think that makes you a selfish ass though, Jen. There are times when I see my kids getting on each other's nerves, and think, "I'm glad I didn't have a big brother," or little brother, or sister (depends on which kid is instigating).

I always wanted to have kids, so the question never really pinged me, but I was never assaulted with it by strangers or family who weren't close enough to ask. Ditto the marriage question.

One of the worst things somebody ever told me about that was that I should go into child psych(when I was a kid I had a shrink phase) because I probably "wouldn't have children" and my job would help me "handle my instincts" I was all of seventeen. That would've been the Worst Reason Ever. But I was still a baby Buffista...in the midst of my confused emotions about having my life defined by somebody I didn't especially like, I still thought "It's 'sublimate', moron!"