I have no news to share. But every time I read the thread header I hear Sam Jaffe's "Man, woman, birth, death, infinity" as the preface to every episode of Ben Casey. It's stuck in my brane like a popcorn hull between my teeth.

Had an appointment with Oncology (my main doc's NP) today. There's some evidence that I may have metastasized. Right now it's not definitely cancer, but it's not not cancer either. The CT I had in the hospital showed a "concerning" node on my peritoneum and enlarged lymph nodes. I'm supposed to have an appointment in the next 2-3 weeks with my Oncologist to discuss next steps. I have a PET scan scheduled, but not until May, so that will probably be moved up to get confirmation. Whatever it is, I'm trying to take comfort that it's caught pretty early, but I keep crying thinking of having to go through treatment again, especially considering the bladder and kidney issues I'm already having.

I thought I was getting better. I don't want to re-set the needle.

And in case that's not enough, my mammogram (a couple of weeks ago) showed something concerning so I also have to go in for a breast ultrasound.

So anyway, please send energy, prayers, ~ma my way. I'm at the lousy "not knowing" part and I'm feeling pretty rough.

PET scan this afternoon. Please continue to keep everything crossed for me!

Ultrasound follow-up of mammogram this afternoon. Again with the crossing of everything, please! Lots of "it's nothing" energy, s'il vous plait!

Your "it's nothing-ma" worked a treat! A couple of fluid-filled cysts that we'll be keeping an eye on, but not the disease that shall not be named! Though perhaps I should have asked for a little bit of speed on that -ma; the ultrasound tech left "for just a minute" to discuss findings with the dr. Then left me alone for...I don't know how long, at least 20-30 minutes, long enough for me to have an "I can't do breast cancer on top of everything else!" meltdown and discover that the room had no tissues. Who the hell has a room where they - however often - break it to people that they have cancer but doesn't have tissues in it?!?! Madness!!

Tomorrow at 11:30, meeting with the oncologist to find out what we're going to do about the *probably* cancer recurrence. Again with the ~ma, if you please!

So, still not 100% definite, but my oncologist is pretty sure it's a recurrence of the cancer. They're going to do a biopsy to get to 100% sure, but the odds are in cancer's favor. My doctor is thinking oral chemo rather than infusion, which is good. And possibly a clinical trial that targets a particular gene that my cancer exhibits. I'll know more after the biopsy.

And after really pinning my dr down for info, I came away with the understanding that I'm not likely to ever "beat cancer", I'm going to have disease-free intervals, interspersed with recurrences where we'll beat it back for a while.

I'm still processing.

There will be a memorial for Jacqueline Anne Zahas Smay

on Saturday, May 18th, from Noon to 4pm

at The Lodge on the 3rd Floor of the Regency Ballroom, 1290 Sutter Street (Corner of Sutter and Van Ness) San Francisco.  

>[link]

Food and drink will be served.

In honor of Jacqueline, please come dressed in splendid colors with all your peacock finery, in your own inimitable style.

In remembrance of Jacqueline, you are invited (though certainly not required) to tell a brief story about her.  We are deprived of Jacqueline in our future but her past is a trove of stories, and I don't know them all!  And that is unacceptable. 

So share your tales of her as a child, in high school, at college, traipsing around Norwich, drinking in Greece, bawdy at the RenFaire, online, at work, or however you may have known her.

If you plan on attending, please RSVP me at Hecubot@gmail.com or whatever direct messaging (FB, Text) is our common communication.

I need this for the headcount for the caterer, so please include the number of guest(s) that will be attending, and whether you're deathly allergic to monkfish or actively trying to free your glutens.

Will update more fully later, but for now please send all your job~ma with a side of salary bump and/or relocation assistance towards Chapel Hill, NC. I crushed the interview process and think it’s a great fit all the way around. Hope to hear by Friday.

For those of you traveling in and out of San Francisco this weekend, be apprised that Bay To Breakers is this weekend.

Here's Juliana's note:

"Just as a warning for those hanging out in SF on Sunday: it's Bay to Breakers, which is a wild 12K race that essentially cuts the city in half. Here's the route: [link]

David's old neighborhood gets hit particularly hard."

So if you are trying to get to the airport on Saturday your options for crossing the City will be limited, and you'll need to plan ahead, because there are only a few places where they allow cross traffic that intersects the route. You'll need extra time, and a discussion with your Uber driver or Cabbie.

Here is the link for Jacqueline's Memorial, 5/18/25, starting Noon PST.

It is a Livestream on YouTube:

[link]

It will reside on YouTube when the event is over so anybody can catch up to it as they need, no matter the time zone.

The event starts at Noon and runs until 4pm.

However, the first hour, as people arrive and eat and mingle, will just be a slide show of Jacqueline and the music playing at the event.

Starting at 1pm PST, people will begin sharing stories about Jacqueline and you'll see the feed.