Natter collectively decides that Cookies Are Forever (edited/shuffled a bit to make sense):
Nora Dierdre
- Hm, I bought a cookie to eat tonight before my class. However, I want it now. What to do?
(What would DeBeers Do?)
Gudanov
- Convince someone else that the cookie is worth $1000, you sell it, then you use the money to start a cookie-baking sweatshop, and have all the cookies that you want.
Nora Deirdre
- Oops. I et it up already! I am such a bad planner.
bon bon
- De Beers would tell you to keep the cookie forever as both (a) an investment and (b) a sign of love, fidelity, and apparently, Victorian hopes and dreams. And then they would make it impossible to dispose of the cookie.
Gudanov
- To be fair, who really wants to toss their cookies?
brenda m
- Never forgetting that you must upgrade to a larger and shinier cookie every few years or all of the above is meaningless.
Jesse
- You'll clearly need an even better cookie before class.
Gudanov
- Which is determined by the four Cs; crispiness, chocolate content, chewiness, and circularity.
Nora Deirdre
- Stupid DeBeers! I want my cookie now! I am terrible with dessert-related waiting games of cunning and patience.
I agree with Jesse that I ought to get a second cookie for later.
Sparky1
- DeBeers will also tell you you'll need a cookie for your other hand.
bon bon
- Because of FEMINISM!
Jesse
- Nora, obviously you're an independent modern woman who NEEDS a second cookie. I mean, really. If you're going to stand up for anything in this world, it's a right-hand cookie.
tommyrot:
The Most Shocking Things Ever Found Inside Of A Dog’s Stomach
Knives, choke chain, wii controller....
Juliette Piesley, 39, had changed the battery in her electronic key fob but was then unable to start her car.
When AA patrolman Kevin Gorman arrived at the scene in Addlestone, Surrey, he found its immobiliser chip was missing.
Ms Piesley said her dog George had eaten something, and realising it was the chip, he put the dog in the front seat and started the car with the key.[…]
“They will now have to take George [the dog] with them in the car until things take their natural course.
brenda m:
That dog is a hero to all dog-kind.
DavidS, describing
Tin Man,
on the SciFi Channel:
Anvils dropped like a sunshower of anvils. Now with iron supplements.
erikaj:
Considering that my mother used to tell me the kid-friendler parts of her crime fiction books, most of my costumes involved bath towels or plastic noses, but one year she and her friend paid somebody at school to make my friend and me Halloween costumes. My poor kid would probably end up wearing a sign that said "Shepherd". I think you can beat that, Susan.
Susan W. in Bitches on her daughter's desire to appear in a school Christmas Pageant as a Pirate, and accepting the compromise of Pirate-Shepherd:
I mentioned the "pirate shepherd" thing on another board and got the following response:
And there were in the same country pirate shepherds, abiding in the crow’s nest, keeping watch over their ship by night. And lo, the pirate angel of the Lord appeared before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they said, “Arrrrrrrrr!,” for they were sore afraid. And the pirate angel said unto them, “Avast me hearties! Fear not, for I bring ye tidings of great joy, which shall be to all: salty sea dogs and scallywags and wenches and bilge rats and landlubbers alike. For unto ye is born this day in yon City of David a savior, which is Christ the Lord.
I sent it to DH, and he responded with:
Suddenly a great company of the heavenly buccaneers appeared with the pirate angel, praising God and singing the sea shanty,
"Yo! Ho! Glory to God!
and on earth be peace on those he favors,
Yo Ho Ho and a bottle of rum!"
In Bitches:
-t:
For those of you keeping score at home - the drainage for the washer is still not working, but plumber dude is pretty determined. He suspects a clog is thwarting us and he and his snake will not be denied.
By which I absolutely do not mean porn.
The Miracleborn show continues in Bitches (I'm just the set up):
KristinT:
Sorry, I edited and made you look crazy.
Aimée:
Nyah.
Miracleman:
You don't have to edit to make her look crazy.
(ducks and runs like the Hounds of Hell are on his heels)
Aimée:
(narrows eyes)
(buys two great danes)
(names them "Fuck" and "Off".)
In Bitches, a new teaching technique, notable if for nothing better than the onamotapoeias:
KristinT -
I just realized that I've put a picture of a woman running a sword through a child on the front of the first exam these students have ever taken.
Oops.
MiracleMan -
No, no...not "oops". Let 'em think you did it on purpose. Not one of them will fuck with you, and every kid who gets above a C will feel like they just escaped certain death.
The only way you could improve on what you've inadvertently done would be to slaughter one of them right before the test and plant their head on a spike on your desk.
*Stabbity stab stab!* *SPLURCH! squeeky*
"Turn over your papers. You may begin."
