I'm not sure what Lee had in mind for me in Natter, but I doubt it was good.

I need to get fred steak.

Fay:

I hold Jilli directly responsible for the fact that my classroom presently boasts not one, not two but four cuddly toys.

See, initially there was Barney The Dog, who is white and fluffy and unspeakably cute. And whose name was Barney because that was clearly the best possible name.

And Barney was much beloved. And in Circle Time when we did 'I feel proud when...' or 'I feel happy when...', taking Barney home constantly got namechecked. Bless.

But then came Black Thursday. Black Thursday dawned like any other day, but when all the children arrived...one of them had forgotten to bring Barney back to school.

On occasion Barney had gone home with children who failed to come to school the next day because they were ill, but in these circumstances mums and dads had managed to get Barney to school even if the kid didn't make it.

But on Black Thursday? No Barney.

I tried to make everyone be philosophical about this, and we were not mean to the person who still had Barney.

Then came Black Friday. For lo, the Barney-having person? Forgot Barney again.

Wailing and weeping and gnashing of teeth and rending of hair from 15 other six year olds when they realised that the wicked person would now have Barney for the whole weekend.

There was much sorrow.

And so it came about that I went to the shop whence came Barney and purchased some family members. A chocolate brown dog exactly like Barney, whose name, I knew immediately, was Chester. And then there were wee versions, so I had to buy a wee caramel-coloured one. She is called Honey, because that is clearly her name. But then I was on a roll, and it occured to me that if I liberated the remaining white Barneyalike from the shop, I could sneakily swap Barney's identical twin sister (henceforth to be known as Bianca) for Barney from time to time, in order to wash Barney. Because Barney was becoming pretty grubby, what with his hussylike sleeping around ways.

And then I saw an unspeakably adorable wee pig, who looked remarkably like the Pig Puppet in Wolves in the Walls. So she came to live with us too. Her name is Penelope, which is a large name for such a small pig, but it is her name.

On the following Monday, Barney did return. He still lives in pride of place on top of the computer monitor, while Chester and Honey (who guard the classroom while we are away at home) live with the other toys. We have now had two more No Barney emergencies, but happily in those situations everyone was very chilled about it, because we knew that Chester was ready to step into the breach and go home with the person who had been Very Good that day.

....I have not, however, brought any evil rabbits into the classroom.

Yet.

In Veronica Mars (contains plot spoiler for episode 3.07)

Teppy: * Gee, you think the EXTREME CLOSE-UP on her soda when she walked away means something???

Dear god, someone put an anvil in her drink!!! *

juliana: My Safeway has those little plastic lemon & lime juice bottles in the booze section, the fish counter, and the produce section. They REALLY don't want their customers getting scurvy.

Gudanov in Natter:

I got this in an E-mail from home:

Well, Leif has found a delightful occupation. He has built "contraptions" to trap people and cats. And, while I'm not sure how, he's feeding people to the alligators. He just said to me, "Mom, this is the crocodile's thanksgiving!"

Either I'll have to dissuade him from the evil genius career plan, or at least make sure he reads the evil overlord list and try to doesn't try to take over the world until at least 1st grade.

Trudy: OMG, why would anyone drink Fernet when there is single malt?!?!

Plei: Because some moods call for green and bitter!

Miracleman explains the perspective of asshat ex-bosses:

"I am a soulless robot drone, enslaved by a heartless, uncaring, monolithic corporate entity that daily grinds my spirit away a bit at a time. My life is grey and meaningless...food tastes like ash and sand...television is harsh colorful light in a box that I must watch without ever knowing why...and those that surround me, both at work and at home, are faceless wraiths, empty husks of people equipped only with gaping maws that howl out a constant stream of 'FEEEEEEED USSSSSS'. My life is a barren hellish landscape.

"And this man...this BASTARD of a man...enjoys his life outside of work. He bring light and color into the sacred tomblike workspace and curses its mien, rages at its attempts to crush him and...on purpose...chooses at times to NOT SHOW UP that he may tend to people whom he lo--lllllll...lur...I can say it...whom he....LOVES!!

"We must kills him, my prrrecccciousss, yes, we must kill the evil human-man who has color and happiness, we must crush his breath from him...

"But we are tired, preccciousss Bottom Line. So tired.

"We'll just fire his ass, instead."

Beth b: I think it is time to retreat to the world of books and drink

That was Beth, actually. I wanted to tag it, but Fay got there first.

In Natter:

shrift: I just don't understand the appeal of having sex with a carcass. Decomposing meat! You don't stick your wang in that! I don't care if it's still warm!

ita: I don't understand the appeal of having sex with Paris Hilton, but people still do that. It's even legal!

shrift: You win.