The incomparable Ms. Bug, in Bitches:

Aimee, I hate to have to tell you this, but I think gauchos make the baby Jesus cry. See, some fundamentalist Christians believe that girls shouldn't wear pants, because they are too form-fitting. So, they make their girls wear gauchos and skirts. Baby Jesus knows this is a misinterpretation of his words, and it makes him cry and cry and cry. The fact that they are back in style at all is proof that the terrorists have won. So, in conclusion, we MUST take back our country from the fundamentalists and terrorists. BURN your gauchos. Do it for your country! And for baby Jesus's tear ducts.

Hee, beat me to it! That's what I get for actually trying to work at work.

Sparky1: Last night I had dinner with a friend and her 3 year old, who is a week out of diapers. He was doing the potty dance, and after much discussion, agreed to use the unfamiliar restroom. When they got back to the table he asks, "when will it stop?" We question, "what stop?" He says, "the peeing!" Apparently, because we adults do not announce our bathroom intentions to the world, and because Mom and Dad do not discuss with each other whether or not they have to go, he thought adults did not have to use the bathroom and the pesky chore that interrupts his playtime and dinner would eventually go away.

I nearly peed myself laughing.

....The poor kid was just destroyed. From the look on his face you would have thought we'd told him Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny hated him and would never come again.

And I found it hilarious.

sj in Bitches:

Note to self: When baking if you drop an egg, do not try to catch that egg between your hip and the counter.

The lovely Fay in Bitches, context bedamned:

...'course, I'd probably just start a coup d'etat, and you probably don't really want that on your wedding day.

StolenCubicle:

So I pulled an all nighter tonight and got the freakiest scare of my life. I was hearing some odd sounds comming from the window behind me but i decided to ignore the odd squeeking. After all, it could just be those two birds that have gay sex every single time I try to pull an all nighter.

I finally decide to go break up the bird sex parade by banging on the wall, whic usually works for a short while.. Suddenly, a mouse (tiny, two inch thing) leaps into the air and on to the touch in front of me before going through a series of spectacularly high jumps and movements at blinding speed.

I'm just standing there going What the FUCK?!

And then, it leaps like it's a transformers mouse or something, as high up as the window...and misses! Now it's in the room, moving at ridiculous speed, and it won't stop chatting like it's a freaking rat from Nimh!

I have the strong urge to get my kunai and practice throwing at moving objects on one hand, on the other hand i want to leap on top of a table and scream, because, SHIT! IT IS A LARGE FAST MOUSE WITH INSANE JUMPING ABILITIES!!!!!!

Yet it is still not strong enough to jump for freedom AKA the open window. Or maybe that's what it wanted me to think.

because then, I heard a long series of squeeks. And then the scrabbling of Super mouse actually reaching the window and climbing out through the hole in the mosquito netting.

So if anyone is looking for the Rat's of NIMH? Yeah.. They're in my yard.

edited because the originator thinks I missed the funny

TopicCindy in Bitches on the Zmayhem Baby Watch

Waiting for the Zmayhem baby brings home to me how I will never escape my craving for spoilers. I can resist them (and do, with shows like VM and The Office), but it's not in my nature.

We already know the baby will come more or less today. And we know she'll be a girl (unless that's a foiler). And unless there's some bigass retcon reveal slated for sweeps, we know who her parents are (and who her sibling is). We even know how some of JZ's pains feel.

So, the average person might ask, "What's left to spoil?"

When I (and maybe that ought to read "we" because I know there are people here who will what I mean so well that they may feel the same way)...when I say, "spoilers," I actually mean, "SPOILERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

I wanna know if JZ is having an epi, because she had to have the pitocin, and I want to know if she's okay with any modifications to her birthing plan. I wanna know if she's having any touch averse moments, and if so, how Hec's dealing with them. I wanna know if she got anything to eat before she went to the hospital, and if they're letting her have ice chips. I want to know the color of her johnny. I want to know if her parents are coming to the hospital before the birth, or if they'll wait at home.

I wanna know the time of birth. Down to the second. I wanna know if Hec cut the cord, and if he and/or JZ cried. I wanna know the baby's birth weight to the half ounce, her height to the half inch, and her names-as-appear-on-birth-cert. And who's filling out the cert, for that matter. And I want to know how Emmett is, and his reaction upon meeting the baby for the first time.

Give me the shooting script, because I want to know. Now!

Strike that. I want to know before.

Where's Leoff with the wildfeed?

And Polter with the updates

I wanna know if JZ is having an epi, because she had to have the pitocin

"I am so far without an epidural, and I am going to do my damndest to avoid it. That may be a foiler."

I want to know if she's okay with any modifications to her birthing plan.

"I haven't had time to write up the birthing plan yet. So it is all madly improvised. Except that I want my fentanyl."

I wanna know if she's having any touch averse moments, and if so, how Hec's dealing with them.

"Nope, not at all. But it's early yet." TEASER!

I wanna know if she got anything to eat before she went to the hospital, and if they're letting her have ice chips.

"I had nothing to eat because it was midnight, but the night nurse, before she went off-shift...got me some cream of wheat and some yogurt. Now I'm sucking on LifeSavers. Cherry."

I want to know the color of her johnny.

"Blue pin-stripes."

I want to know if her parents are coming to the hospital before the birth, or if they'll wait at home.

"They are here, right now, but they have both been informed that as soon as I get to the screaming and yelling stage, they will be booted, and they are both okay with it." Also, her mom brought a laptop, and while it is not Internet-enabled, it enables her to watch Wonderfalls and Slings and Arrows.

I wanna know if Hec cut the cord

"Hec is not gonna cut the cord."

And I want to know how Emmett is

Emmett is grumpy and bitter about not being able to play with his new iPod Nano, which is being held hostage at home.

JZ's kittens are on Sean and Scola.

"Unexpected plot developments may occur later that may cause a change in the arc."

And she's on the upswing of another contraction, so she let me go.

(Heroes & Studio 60 spoilers)

Matt the Bruins fan: I'm surprised that after tuning in to see the time-and-space bending and people flying and indestructible cheerleaders, the most amazing that happened on NBC tonight was a television show making me like Amanda Peet.

ita in Natter:

Also, how much more apostrophe inconsistent could I be? It's like crappy Stargate fanfic.

Emily in Bitches:

read an article the other day wherein a teacher says she doesn't believe in giving F's, that it's a sign that a teacher has just given up. And it really made me think, you know? It made me think, mostly, fuck you and the horse you rode in on, bitch.