ita in Natter:

Also, how much more apostrophe inconsistent could I be? It's like crappy Stargate fanfic.

Emily in Bitches:

read an article the other day wherein a teacher says she doesn't believe in giving F's, that it's a sign that a teacher has just given up. And it really made me think, you know? It made me think, mostly, fuck you and the horse you rode in on, bitch.

DavidS in Bitches, trying to get some sleep:

5:40am

Ping!

David's Brain: Where's Jacqueline?

David: [muzzy] Wha? She's in the hospit...

David's Brain: Where's the baby?

David: Also, in the hospital.

David's Brain: Mmmhmmm. Emmett?

David: With his mom. Please, everybody is fine. Let me sleep. I didn't get to sleep last night until one. We need to rest.

David's Brain: Gotta be ready! Baby in the house! Must maintain state of constant ready alertness!

David: Ooof. Brain, everybody is fine. This is like our last little chance to get some sleep before the baby really is in the house. We need to sleep. Sleep is good. Okay?

David's Brain: ..........

David: Okay. [starts drifting away on imagery of the opening credits of Age of Innocence. Dark waters superimpsed with flowers and beautiful calligraphy. Some classical music. Dappling light...]

David's Brain: Serpentine!

In Lost...

tiggy: i'm only sticking around [ABC's Lost] because i'm a masochist and possibly a completist.

megan walker: i'm only sticking around because i'm a completist and possibly a masochist.

I can't believe no one has COMM'd this yet!

DavidS in Bitches:

The other story is when JZ was getting her epidural. She's very needlephobic and the way she deals with it is by talking her way through it. So it usually sounds like, "Okay, and now they're putting the needle in. And I'm NOT running away. I am staying still. And...OW! Fuck that hurts. Fucking fuck fuck fuck! Motherfucking fuckheads!"

So, I try to warn the doctor beforehand. "Don't take it personally." But the doctor was cool and snarky, and talked right back to her and kept her distracted. Except she's very flinchy about the whole thing. And flinched when she got the preliminary lidocaine shot.

Me: It's very important that you're still when you get the epidural. You have to be completely still when he starts it. You can't pull away or jerk. You have to be calm.
JZ: Okay. He's starting the epidural now. And I'm just going to talk. I'm going to be a little chatter monkey. And chatter monkeys live in Indonesia and they have long silky purple fur. And... [her body is tensing up and I'm afraid she's going to jerk away again]
Me: Jacqueline! You have to focus. You have to be very still.
JZ: [glaring at me] ...and chatter monkeys will BITE the fingers off people who are too bossy. They will bite them right off.

Because we should all honor our inner 12 year old girl

Trudy Booth: The boy I loved at camp, Jon Barton, wore Polo.

I bought a teddy bear and a small bottle of Polo. I named the bear "Jon Barton." I doused it frequently and slept with it every night.

Years later in a make or break Pictionary round my sister drew a bear being sprayed with a bottle of cologne and we won when I yelled "POLO!!!!!"

In a Natter discussion of perfumes and high school/college and the memories (especially of guys) they provoke.

ita I went to an all girl's school. We smelt of nothing more than privation.

In Natter --

brenda: Dick Armey. Dick Armey. Maybe there's some hope for people to see the light after all.

tommyrot: I just love his name. It sounds like some militant gay punk group.

In Natter (excerpted from a series of posts)

bon bon: Doctors, or otherwise people I come to for medical advice all the time: why is my lower lashline twitching? Why has it been doing this for weeks? I've practically poked my eyes out trying to get whatever it is out of my eye but it appears to be a weird muscle spasm down there.

I hope you guys don't mind if I do the eye closing thing while typing my posts.

My joke about typing blind has been foikle by my fairly-good touchtyping skills.

OPr not.

megan walker in Natter:

I hate to break it to the honey lobby, but my plate of vinegar is attracting way more flies than the one with honey.