In Natter:

Shrift:
Client: I need these files.
Me: Those files don't exist.
Client: So when can I get them?
Me: As I mentioned in our previous communication, they do not exist.
Client: Hi, I'm just checking on the status of my request?
Me: I'm on some new reality show, right? "When Natural Selection Fails to Intervene!" You, I suspect, should have ended up in the belly of a bear.

Calli:
Me: The files are on [this server here].
Client: According to my network, that server doesn't exist.
Me: Kinda like those files.

On kids' birthday parties in Bitches:

Hec

Right up there with Kiddie Birthday Inflation.

AmyLiz

Kids satisfied with homemade cake and a donkey's ass are a thing of the past.

Bob Bob gets COMMed on his first day, relaying a phone message to bon bon in Natter:

Brent: I'm not inviting Pat to my wedding because he cheated with your brother's girlfriend when they were still dating. Also, he always treated me like shit. And he just says whatever the New York Times says. Me: You know, he asked about you. Brent: What'd he say? Me: That he hadn't heard from you for awhile, and he wondered if you were mad at him. Brent: You know, the truth is, I just lost his number. Tell him to give me a call.

And so a friendship is repaired.

Kristen in the Minearverse:

I should not be allowed to go into home improvement stores unsupervised. A quick stop for a few things turns into endless wandering around the store going, "Ooooh. That's so cool."

Tell me about it.

In Minearverse:

Tim: Allyson, why aren't you writing?

Allyson: Same reason you're not writing?

Cashmere: b.org. it's where the best writers come to slack.

Cashmere: b.org. it's where the best writers come to slack.

Or plead for help with sources...

Tucked among the philosophy fest that is currently Natter:

msbelle: god, remember when we could joke in French about ancient greek architecture?

Emily: Apres l'Acropolis, le deluge.

Natter:

Sheryl: This episode of "Navel gazing theater" has been brought to you by the letter I

Raq, in Bitches:

What's the social standing of D&D in Australia? Coz here, I think I'd rather tell people I have sex with horses.

Boxed Set:

Nutty: I think we need a new, exciting alien race that is interested in collecting testicles. What do you say? 50% of the audience is terrified of them already -- how can we go wrong??

Betsy HP: I'm not terrified; no testicle has ever hurt me.

tommyrot: What would they be called? The Neuterians? The Neuteroids?

Betsy HP: The Vets.

tommyrot: So you could always tell when the Vets had hit an area, as all the men would have funnel-heads.