Further Allyson goodness from Dude:

Gollum is definitely doing the Sybil thing, right? Multiple personality disorder? Was he a hobbit once and now is an example of "this is a hobbit. this is a hobbit on rings. any questions?"

Explaining Middle-Earth to Allyson, in Dude:

Nutty:

Elves don't have last names, unless they feel like it. They are the Chers of Middle-earth.

***********************

Tom Scola:

Gandalfe died, but much like a TV executive, he was rewarded for his failure by getting a promotion.

high plains drifter, discussing minor characters from The Silmarillion:

Likewise, we can't forget Fellatrixie, a lovely elvish maid of the forest who was popular with all the Noldor. She later became remarkably popular with both Dwarves and Men. She taught the fair Luthien much of her lore, which was a boon to Beren One-Hand. Legend has it that Feanor gave her more than a few of his first attempts at Silmarils, which she later wore on a custom made Dwarvish tongue-stud. She it was who lapdanced within the Halls of Mandos, giving many recent arrivals to those gloomy environs a renewed spark.

kat perez, in Natter, on TAR:

But Chip really needs to get a life. You're here. You're queer. We're over it.

Allyson, on Buffy, in Buffy:

so much potential, too many potentials.

Pleiades, no context.

I'm wondering where the dead chickens are that died to employ me.

Context schmontext...

erika in Bitches:

That meeting was like a debate between Bush and Wal-Mart...no good guys. And Tony Soprano's way of handling rats makes sense. Some of those people could only be improved by having their tongues ripped out. And if you're looking for diplomacy today, it might be the wrong day.

Hec, in Buffy, yet again contextless.

Actually I think I'm saying that my butt is my body's coda. Not it's finale. Yes, it's a fine coda to the torso, even though technically my feet may be considered the finale.

Katie M, in LOTR:

I do have to mention that at trivia this week, they had a round on LotR - stuff that was different in the books and the movies.

The first question (which actually isn't something that's different, but at least hasn't shown up in the movies yet) is "who was Samwise Gamgee's true love?"

"Serious answer or gay answer?" I asked.

"What?"

"Look, I'm just saying, there's a lot of hand-holding!"

Over the mike: "No, the answer is not Frodo."

I couldn't help it.

Allyson, clearing up the name confusion in Middle-Earth:

You know what I think makes my eyes glaze over besides all the stuff that oogeys me about how smelly these people were? The names. They all sound exactly. the. same.

So, just to make things easier for me, I'm going to make some changes.

cracks knuckles

This is how it's going to be:

Evil Eyeball: Bob

Evil Wizard: Strom Thurmond

Good Wizard: Grampa Joe

Gurlie Elf ita wants to do: Mary

Frodo: He can be Frodo, I can remember that.

Sam: See above, but instead of calling him "Frodo" he can remain "Sam"

Annoying little bastard trolls that fuck everything up: Fric and Frac. It doesn't matter which is which, no one can tell them apart, anyway

Broody ranger that pines after Liv Tyler: Viggo the Showerless

Liv Tyler: Slo Mo Liv Tyler

Liv Tyler's creepy father: Mr. Anderson

Dead Bear Daddy Boromir: Dead Bear Daddy, or DeeBeeDee Dead Bear

Daddy's Brother: Mick

Annoying King that should shut up and listen to Viggo the Showerless: Earl

Dwarf Guy: Dwarf Guy (there's only one of them, anyway)

Well. That should make things easier for everyone concerned.