Context schmontext...

erika in Bitches:

That meeting was like a debate between Bush and Wal-Mart...no good guys. And Tony Soprano's way of handling rats makes sense. Some of those people could only be improved by having their tongues ripped out. And if you're looking for diplomacy today, it might be the wrong day.

Hec, in Buffy, yet again contextless.

Actually I think I'm saying that my butt is my body's coda. Not it's finale. Yes, it's a fine coda to the torso, even though technically my feet may be considered the finale.

Katie M, in LOTR:

I do have to mention that at trivia this week, they had a round on LotR - stuff that was different in the books and the movies.

The first question (which actually isn't something that's different, but at least hasn't shown up in the movies yet) is "who was Samwise Gamgee's true love?"

"Serious answer or gay answer?" I asked.

"What?"

"Look, I'm just saying, there's a lot of hand-holding!"

Over the mike: "No, the answer is not Frodo."

I couldn't help it.

Allyson, clearing up the name confusion in Middle-Earth:

You know what I think makes my eyes glaze over besides all the stuff that oogeys me about how smelly these people were? The names. They all sound exactly. the. same.

So, just to make things easier for me, I'm going to make some changes.

cracks knuckles

This is how it's going to be:

Evil Eyeball: Bob

Evil Wizard: Strom Thurmond

Good Wizard: Grampa Joe

Gurlie Elf ita wants to do: Mary

Frodo: He can be Frodo, I can remember that.

Sam: See above, but instead of calling him "Frodo" he can remain "Sam"

Annoying little bastard trolls that fuck everything up: Fric and Frac. It doesn't matter which is which, no one can tell them apart, anyway

Broody ranger that pines after Liv Tyler: Viggo the Showerless

Liv Tyler: Slo Mo Liv Tyler

Liv Tyler's creepy father: Mr. Anderson

Dead Bear Daddy Boromir: Dead Bear Daddy, or DeeBeeDee Dead Bear

Daddy's Brother: Mick

Annoying King that should shut up and listen to Viggo the Showerless: Earl

Dwarf Guy: Dwarf Guy (there's only one of them, anyway)

Well. That should make things easier for everyone concerned.

Sean K., context-free:

I have a hard time believing that the novelty of eating dinner under a painting of one's own ass ever wears off.

Aimée in Natter:

"Oh, you're engaged! How has your betrothed shown that his love is ever lasting?"

"I got a piece of petrified poo."

Wolfram:

Well it's better than the poo made last week.

Madrigal:

Diamonds aren't necessarily that old. You could probably make one in a week if you just managed to throw some pencils into the sun, then retrieve them.

Jess PMoon:

This reminds me of my mother's pet theory that the ancient Hebrews all had severe OCD. All the handwashing, the paranoia about foods touching, the whole fabric mixing thing...

Aimée:

Judaism as we know it could have been completely different if Prozac had been around before Jesus.

Better without context, I think. Kristen in Natter:

I haven't been this disappointed in a home improvement related show casting change since Bob Vila left This Old House.

victor infante: I have a love/hate relationship with IKEA. It annoys me for about an hour, and then there are meatballs.