Allyson, clearing up the name confusion in Middle-Earth:

You know what I think makes my eyes glaze over besides all the stuff that oogeys me about how smelly these people were? The names. They all sound exactly. the. same.

So, just to make things easier for me, I'm going to make some changes.

cracks knuckles

This is how it's going to be:

Evil Eyeball: Bob

Evil Wizard: Strom Thurmond

Good Wizard: Grampa Joe

Gurlie Elf ita wants to do: Mary

Frodo: He can be Frodo, I can remember that.

Sam: See above, but instead of calling him "Frodo" he can remain "Sam"

Annoying little bastard trolls that fuck everything up: Fric and Frac. It doesn't matter which is which, no one can tell them apart, anyway

Broody ranger that pines after Liv Tyler: Viggo the Showerless

Liv Tyler: Slo Mo Liv Tyler

Liv Tyler's creepy father: Mr. Anderson

Dead Bear Daddy Boromir: Dead Bear Daddy, or DeeBeeDee Dead Bear

Daddy's Brother: Mick

Annoying King that should shut up and listen to Viggo the Showerless: Earl

Dwarf Guy: Dwarf Guy (there's only one of them, anyway)

Well. That should make things easier for everyone concerned.

Sean K., context-free:

I have a hard time believing that the novelty of eating dinner under a painting of one's own ass ever wears off.

Aimée in Natter:

"Oh, you're engaged! How has your betrothed shown that his love is ever lasting?"

"I got a piece of petrified poo."

Wolfram:

Well it's better than the poo made last week.

Madrigal:

Diamonds aren't necessarily that old. You could probably make one in a week if you just managed to throw some pencils into the sun, then retrieve them.

Jess PMoon:

This reminds me of my mother's pet theory that the ancient Hebrews all had severe OCD. All the handwashing, the paranoia about foods touching, the whole fabric mixing thing...

Aimée:

Judaism as we know it could have been completely different if Prozac had been around before Jesus.

Better without context, I think. Kristen in Natter:

I haven't been this disappointed in a home improvement related show casting change since Bob Vila left This Old House.

victor infante: I have a love/hate relationship with IKEA. It annoys me for about an hour, and then there are meatballs.

Bitches are funny. We knew that.

connie:

For Fay when next we see her. Amy and I have been founding a cult in her honor. We feel she needs minions and acolytes and people who's sole job is to worship her. Shrines and pilgrimages and reports of holy visitations would, of course, be de rigeur.

"There I was in Waterloo Station . . . . The Blessed One appeared and laid her hand on my--no, you can't cut it off for an icon, I'm using it!"

"She invoked the Good Tequila Fairies, and there was Snark." (to be followed by chants of "snark snark snark") "And the drunks were abashed, and the waitstaff prompt and helpful, and the pretentious were laid not at all."

From the First Book of The Transcendent Lucious One, Fay, Most Bumptious Bountiful Blonde Babe.

Beverly:

Connie, I humbly request to be admitted to the Cult of Fay. I will learn all the calls and responses and follow the pilgramages of the Beautious Bumptious One --um, semireligiously.

connie:

Beverly, only you can judge the worthiness of your vocation. When you have studied your heart and come to the truth, you may initiate yourself into the holy cult in whatever words reflect your feelings. (We hear that "My god, she's hot!" is a popular wording.)

At this point, you are free to visit all shrines and holy places, and perhaps the Blessed One will visit you with visions and manifestations. Or maybe just email.

Beverly:

Kewl! Er, "I'm not worthy!"

...

Also, this...

Beverly:

Huh. Musical groups sing Abba songs. Groups evidently put together just to sing Abba songs. And Culture Club. I wonder if this is a regular thing.

deborah:

Beverly, I'd say it's a regular sign of the Four Horsemen, is what it is.

In BBaBB:

Jon B. - And Rio wins the prize. We were wondering who would be the first to ask :)

Rio - Ooh, what do I win?

Jon B. - You get to make out with me.

Sean K - What better prize could there possibly be?

Jon B. - Get in line, Sean.

Sean K - Okay, but Rio better not use up all the good Jon mackin'

DXMachina - Hey, I'm the one who actually posed the question!

Sean K - I'm sorry. I'll make out with you, DX. Oh, wait... You probably wanted to mack on Rio.

SA - Wait! Doesn't that mean DXM gets the Jon-macking?

Rio - It means everyone has gets to make out with me! wh00t wh00t

Angus G. in Natter:

Hearty congratulations to the Burrells!

(And are you aware that due to recent changes in legislation Frances may have her slayer powers already?)