In Bitches: (context, you say??)

Fay: I got to play with the big hose!

Billytea in Natter:

"Foetal MacGyver" would probably have trouble filling a whole season. Only so many things you can do with just an umbilical cord. ...A telemovie, maybe.

TomW in Natter, on the real meaning of Amazon.com shipping estimates:

"Ships in 24 hours" - If I lean back in my chair, I can see a whole shelf of them.
"Ships in 2-3 days" - Ooh, Bob just threw the last one away to make room for a Segway, but I saw a couple at Walmart yesterday - you're good.
"Ships in 1-2 weeks" - That's enough time for the factory to make some more, right?
"Ships in 3-4 weeks" - The product has been recalled, the plans have been destroyed, the factory has been levelled and we sowed the ground with salt. Thanks for shopping with Amazon.com!

ita:

I was just thinking, as I half squished an ant and flicked it into the sink to rinse it down the drain that life is quite the disaster movie for the little beasties, isn't it?

wipes monitor clean Bitches? Very funny. Me? Can't. Stop. Laughing.

Steph L. telling Hec what to do in his interview: Don't swear or take off your pants.

- - -

Aimee: Maybe is mayo vs Miracle Whip.

Hec: Do you use Miracle Whip? Because Miracle Whip is ass.

Aimee: Ok, normally, I'd be all, "Hey! Leave the Miracle that is Whip alone!!" but you made me choke on my sandwich.

Hec: I think it was Satan's Condiment that made you choke. Not even one so evil as The Empreess can force Mirabile Frappe down her throat.

billytea:

Satan's Condiment

t imagining jars of Satan's Condiment alongside Paul Newman's brand

DXMachina: All profits from the sale of this item will be donated to charity. Last year, these charities included Disunited Way, Al Qaeda House, and the Republican National Committee.

- - -

A little later in the same conversation:

Steph L.: This is like the Alan Cumming thing, isn't it?

I had no idea so many people found him sexy.

And the hatred for Miracle Whip?

Huh.

You all need some serious brainwashing.

ChiKat: Now, I like both MW and Alan Cumming. And now I'm thinking of fun ways to combine the two.

Steph L.: ChiKat! Don't defile Miracle Whip for me!

ChiKat: I don't want to defile Miracle Whip. I want to defile Alan Cumming.

Trudy Booth: Hmmm... in this instance I might just eat the Whip.

amych: I like spiders and Alan Cumming, but not Miracle Whip. Or mayonnaise. Just for the record.

Pete: So I should extrapolate from this that you're going to cover poor Alan in spiders instead? My, that'll be a bad mixed signal for Jilli...

- - -

billytea: Here's a bit of trivia for you. I know that the raccoon population has increased twentyfold since 1930. I know that in Alabama, it's illegal to train a bear to wrestle. I know that the Argentinian lake duck's penis is an inch longer than the actual duck (17 inches, if anyone's counting). I know that not one of the Julian emperors passed the throne to their natural-born son. I know that not only does the female Australian redback eat her mate, but that the males fight for the privilege and will hurl themselves into her jaws. I know that there's a species of fruit fly that produces sperm that's twenty times its own length.

But I had to google Miracle Whip.

(editor's note: this was even funnier when I read it having just Googled MW myself.)

- - -

amych: This is taking my mind to a very, very bad Karate Kid place. Anybody have a scrub brush and some lye I might borrow?

billytea: Given where your mind went, I'm finding that request ambiguous.

- - -

ita: That's me. Full of ergonomic tips for the oversized dick.

Nora: Perhaps you could work this in the "special skills" section of your resume.

- - -

Theodosia: Most birds don't have penises. They use what biologists term a 'cloacal kiss.'

ita: You know, up to but not including the point where you interpret cloacal, that sounds kinda erotic.

- - -

Sean K.: This reminds me, during the F2F, on the Melrose shopping trip, Paul, aurelia and I were waiting for others to catch up, and were treated to sparrow porn.

A cute little birdie couple were knocking boots on top of a street sign, mere feet away from us.

Even the local fauna obliges with porn when Buffistas are around.

- - -

amyparker: I know the Brown-Eyed Boy plays with raptors. He says that feeding a bird dead mice is different from catching a spider and taking it outside. Don't ask me, I just work here.

I piffle at context.

Susan in Buffy:

Yeah, I realized after posting that I probably shouldn't have said "never." Because there's always a counterexample. You'd think I'd learned that after almost four years of Married Arguments, if nothing else...

This is likely the first of many...

Sean K: Preferably a washing machine with a slightly unbalanced load.

Trudy Booth: Thought about this have we, Sean?

billytea: I figure he just sees a personal advantage in encouraging women to associate 'mind-blowing sex' with 'slightly unbalanced'.

In Natter:

Betsy: But we all know you don't *really* enjoy cunnilingus. You're just doing it because she raped you with her camisole.

Burrell , in Natter:

You never can tell with French philosophers. They seem to bear an uncanny resemblance to unbalanced Christians against soft porn.

Nore Natter:

Betsy: But we all know you don't *really* enjoy cunnilingus. You're just doing it because she raped you with her camisole.

kat perez: Men just do it so they can get their eyes closer to women's private parts.

billytea: This is leading me into all sorts of disturbing thoughts.

"Um-- What exactly are you doing down there?"
"Shh! I can hear the ocean!"