John H last night, trying to close out the Natter thread:

Thirteen Ways of Looking At A Blackbird

by John "Wallace" H

1) Don't look at him. Play hard to get.

2) Sneak up behind the fucker, and go "Boo!" Look at him get scared and wet his blackbird pants.

3) Get a telescope and look at him from a long way away.

4) Like 2, but with a rifle sight with crosshairs so you can feel a sense of godlike power over life and death

5) Get someone else to look at it for you and write a report, then form a committee to review the report, then get another committee to review the work of the first committee, then get a third committee to discredit the whole thing and start again.

6) Hack into a military satellite and get it to take a picture of it

7) Three words, baby: Blackbird porn website.

8) Put on sunglasses so he can't tell if you're looking or not

9) Pretend two toilet-roll tubes are binoculars

10) Get a third toilet-roll tube and pretend you're the commander of a German sub -- up periscope!

11) Squash him flat with a rock and look at him through a microscope

12) Write fic about him, get another Buffista to do a beta on it.

13) Get your mum to look at him -- she'll tell you that it's fine for you to have blackbird friends, but perhaps you shouldn't lend them your toys because they might come from a family which was ... different ... and might not have such nice things as you, and leave you with an overpowering but unexplained sense of guilt and shame. Thanks a lot, mum.

In Firefly:

Jim E-T: Anyone need a tape fairy?

billytea: The morning does stragne things to you. I read this and imagined Tinkerbell firmly attached to Jim's upper colon. "Yeah, I just don't seem to have the energy I once did, and no matter how much I eat I lose weight; but on the plus side, I do get three wishes..."

Actually, this could explain a lot. Er, not about Jim. I reckon tape fairies could be a common infestation among TV writers; which is why the audience spends so much time shouting "Come on, they pulled that one out of their own arse!"

Heather in Bitches:

Because we're Buffistas and like our thoughts, and we like it when people pet them.

vw bug: This post is brought to you by the punctuation exclamation point and the attitude sarcasm.

Cindy, in Bureaucracy, no context:

Cindy: The number 50 is the WHORE of BABYLON and Jesse is its PIMP.

Jess PMoon, Angel, not spoilery. I'm tempted to COMM the whole conversation, but that would get spoilery, and I'm lazy.

(And even if not, I don't think it's very likely that the puncture victim would sit up and say "Aha! I've only got one penis! Your threats mean nothing to me!")

Edit: and ita's followup:

No, but I might say "Moron! I have no penis! What the hell you gonna do now?"

And then lapse back into a pain laced half-consciousness.

erikaj in Bitches:

Payback's a Bitch.

John H, in Natter:

My dad's point is really that people shouldn't take their impressions of France from what people normally see, i.e. a few days in Paris. They should get out in the country and meet some real people. It's like assuming everyone in the USA is an asshole from visiting a Fox Network Executives meeting.

Bwah, and wrod.

In Natter, on the Freedom Fries initiative...

dareva:

My SO and I have been eating french fries like maniacs ever since we heard of the "freedom fries" stupidity. I mean, come the hell on! Just when I think people can't get any stupider (or would that be more stupid?).

Betsy:

Don't do it! You'll die of heart attacks and the jingoists will have won!

Use French ticklers instead.