Nutty: In news unrelated to embarrassing crotches

this resulted in coke on my monitor, for real!

shrift, in Natter:

I was called for jury duty once. My mother had to send the form back saying something along the lines of:

"Dear Mr. State Government,

My daughter will be unable to attend jury duty on Tuesday next as she has come down with a severe case of foreign study. Also, please note that she is currently employed by Mr. Federal Government, and Mr. Federal Government would consider it a hardship were my daughter unable to perform her duties at work as she is one of the few employees at her facility who actually report for her shifts, and none of the senior staff may assume her duties as despite the fact that they were hand-picked by a commissioner of some sort, they all suffer from the unfortunate inability to speak a language other than English and have demonstrated extreme incompetence when attempting to use one of those newfangled computers. Also, please note that the senior staff further require her presence and consider her essential despite the fact that they continually use her for riot control and bomb sweeps, and Mr. Federal Government shall most profusely apologize to Mr. State Government should they inadvertantly blow up or cause to be trampled their tax-paying resident.

Most sincerely,

shrift's mum"

I know it's tacky to COMM yourself, but I'm only using my bit to get to the payoff:

In Natter.

me:

Why is it always the ugly guys who want to be naked? In general, that is.

Billytea:

My theory is that they all want to be naked, but the good-looking ones already get ample opportunity.

billytea:

Tinfoil, Tinfoil, give me your answer do
I'm half crazy, that's half as far as you
Our wedding'll be on the busses
But I think the biggest plus is
I'm willing to bet
That better yet
We'll be living on them too

Aimée:

Freak-Ass, Freak-Ass, Here is my answer true.
You're half crazy. Better am I, than you.
There won't be a transit wedding
Cuz if you think that I'll be letting
You touch my hand
then your true land
is Arkham Asylum. FREAK!!!!

meara:It is NOT a bottle of vodka, it is an oversized expression of my faux manhood!

Of Allyson, by Allyson, for us all...

1. How did Allyson get that glorious shiner?

a) Defending Fury's honor...again. b) Barfight with artemis this weekend. c) Talking smack about Justin in earshot of a Popgurl. d) Blindsided by own car door while trying to navigate side of mountain in heels and not squish breakfast banana.

2. The Loreal highlighting kit promised "cool Praline tones," yet Allyson was horrified to find her hair now has orange streaks. What should she do now?

a) Buy a teasing comb and apply for residence in a local trailer park. b) Stuff *** into acid washed stretch jeans and cruise down Sunset blasting Poison's first album. c) Buzz cuts are all the rage for women careening towards thirty. d) Hope that mixture of Prell and baking soda tones it down before some dude with a mullet and Joey Buttafucco cowbow boots proposes marraige.

3) Allyson is shopping this weekend for an outfit for the PBP. What will go best with a shiner and orange hair?

a) Prom dress with butt bow and petticoats, preferrably in metallic pink. b) LA Gear high top sneakers and a belted shirt dress. c) A meat bikini d) Duct tape, ala Wendy O. Williams, god rest her soul.

Ellen S: It wasn't until I went to the Redneck Riviera that I realized that the ocean was something people went into willing for enjoyment instead of for purposes of Presbyterian self-mortification.

erikaj:

I think the last decision I made easily was "Paper or Plastic?"

Schmoker, in Buffy:

If I could spell it, I'd call you boobalah.

kat perez, in Natter:

Actually, I want all the Buffistas on the island where we could have F2F's any time we wanted and I could wear my wedding dress on odd numbered days that were multiples of three and get a copy made in white leather and wear that one on even numbered days not ending in 2. And the rest of the time, I'd just be nekkid.