Theodosia, IIRC.

Angus: I like how Amazon.com specify that you can get "Clean Underwear from Amazon's Target Store". I suppose for dirty underwear, you need to go to Amazon's Fetish Store.

Betsy in Natter:

And remember, if you look icky after a natural disaster, the terrorists have already won.

Miracleman, in Natter:

I'm also trying to wheedle the cloaking/teleport technique from my cat. He's a total Schrodinger.

"They're not looking at me. I can exist in all potential cat-states at once now. I can be right in front of them, or behind the TV stand, or in the office which has been closed all day. I'll do the office. That freaks them out no end. Muahahahhahaaaa!!!"

I mean, you know...I'm evil, sure, I'm a genius, granted but...my cat?

msbelle: Cheese better NOT become another Monkeypants.

Michele T: Have I mentioned how much I enjoy being part of a community in which this sentence makes perfect sense?

I woke up this morning with the desire to tell you that "Namaste, motherfucker" may just be the funniest two words I've read all year. That is all.

I keep imagining that spoken by John Sinclair.

askye in Natter:

I've decided what I really really want for Christmas is a gorilla army trained by Miracleman.

Except not a whole army because I don't want to take over the world. Just a handful or so I can take to rampage through Disney World.

Hard to believe this hasn’t been posted yet:

Sue: I got my Christmas Tree last night! Due to the Kitten Factor, it is decorated only with some ribbon, garland, and a few papier mache ornaments and some white lights. It is also tied to the wall in two places. … I think this year's Christmas Miracle will be that my tree remains standing for the next month.

Am-Chau Yarkona: We could try sending it Buffista 'upright' vibes.
On edit: could that be any more porny?

DX Machina: We could send Sue's tree 'erect' vibes, I suppose.

Katefate: Tying it to the wall is kinda porny, too. The cuteness factor of the kitten climbing it trumps the porn, though.

Theodosia: Is that a Christmas Tree or are you just glad to see us?

Am-Chau: Note to self: never tell a Buffista that they can't get pornier. You'll probably end up tied to a wall with someone kneeling in from to you, inventing new uses for that porniest of fruits, the banana.

Cindy: I am not awake enough for the Christmas tree porn. Not sure I ever will be.

Am-Chau: Let me help wake you up, Cindy....

From her box on the floor, the Christmas Tree fairy looked up at her lover's tall trunk. What fun she would have when she climbed up there, to sit atop his tall manliness and....

Okay, okay. I'll stop.

Steph L.:

Note to self: never tell a Buffista that they can't get pornier. You'll probably end up tied to a wall with someone kneeling in from to you, inventing new uses for that porniest of fruits, the banana

Oh, God. I wish...

Katefate: I know, Steph! And the kneeling Buffista changes, every time I think it.

Sue: Not only is the tree erect and tied to the wall, but it's being held in the stand by thumbscrews and it's bound by alternating bits of garland and ribbon.

Yes, we can fetishize Xmas!

Katefate: Oh yeah.... *closes office door*

Am-Chau: And there was a kitten as well. I vote we call this the 'Clem fetish'.

Theodosia: "On the first day of Xmas, my Buffista gave to me a kitten in a bondage Christmas tree...."

Steph L.: Are there lights? I bet there are lights. C'mon, tell me about the lights... Are they blinking? Are they hot? Are they plugged IN?

Theodosia: Xmas Trees: Hot AND Blinking!

Am-Chau: Oh- fairy lights. Oooo. Yes, baby, tell us about the fairy lights.

Sue: There are about 60 tiny white hot lights on a cord which is wrapped around the tree. They're hot. They'll burn.

When they get plugged in there's a sudden surge of electricity that goes up and down the tree.

Theodosia: I'm feeling up my Christmas Tree right now!

Jess Pmoon: I love the smell of Christmas tree porn in the morning.