I have finesse! I have finesse coming out of my bottom!

Anya ,'Showtime'


Buffista Fic: It Could Be Plot Bunnies  

Where the Buffistas let their fanfic creative juices flow. May contain erotica.


deborah grabien - Oct 04, 2003 9:57:22 pm PDT #6964 of 10001
It really doesn't matter. It's just an opinion. Don't worry about it. Not worth the hassle.

A nice solid flow of dialogue, sj.

A couple of things:

“It’s and Aga

an Aga. (Damn, I love those stoves; my grandmother had one.)

“When you died it was so much worse for all of us then when you were missing,

'than' when, not 'then when'.

and, a structural question:

If you would rather just settle in somewhere quiet with Dawn. Get a job or go back to school. You have given up your life twice in the fight against evil. I understand if you need a, but if you backing down from this because you are scared or unsure about what you have to offer...”

The first half of this is done in partial sentences, rather than entire sentences, structurally. It happens in a few places - was this deliberate?

In the second half, I think there's a word missing: "I understand if you need a, but"

Other than those, well done!


deborah grabien - Oct 04, 2003 9:59:31 pm PDT #6965 of 10001
It really doesn't matter. It's just an opinion. Don't worry about it. Not worth the hassle.

Damn, nearly forgot: erika, the Evil Hand's not separate from his body. Angel cut it off and the Evil Doctors at WOlfram and Hart replaced with a Satanic Hand, that has a mind of its own.


sj - Oct 04, 2003 10:08:27 pm PDT #6966 of 10001
"There are few hours in life more agreeable than the hour dedicated to the ceremony known as afternoon tea."

A nice solid flow of dialogue, sj.

Thank you. I usually think I am so bad at dialogue. Typos fixed.

(Damn, I love those stoves; my grandmother had one.)

I love them too. Some friends of mine sell them, and I was able to go to a cooking demonstration for one in England.

The first half of this is done in partial sentences, rather than entire sentences, structurally. It happens in a few places - was this deliberate?

Yes, it was deliberate.

Other than those, well done!

Thank you!


Cindy - Oct 05, 2003 1:37:15 am PDT #6967 of 10001
Nobody

He has an evil, seperated from his body...hand.?!Unlike my left one, that does impressions thereof. So yes, I pretty much type one handed...hope I don't go blind, too.

Damn, nearly forgot: erika, the Evil Hand's not separate from his body. Angel cut it off and the Evil Doctors at WOlfram and Hart replaced with a Satanic Hand, that has a mind of its own.

deb, lovely, fun drabble. I think I know gave erika the impression you were writing about a detached hand. This section:

He rolls it, flexes it, kneels carefully. The guitar case has three snap-latches; the first two are fine, the third the hand skitters across the top. Fucking tease.

The "the first two are fine, the third the hand" is a little confusing. I think I missed reading the "the" prior to "hand" there on my first read, and so had to read it twice to get what you meant. I figured it out, because I have a guitar, and its case has 3 latches. At first, I did read it as if you meant 3 hands. Drabbles are so tight word-wise, I'm not sure what to suggest to clarify.


Cindy - Oct 05, 2003 1:42:18 am PDT #6968 of 10001
Nobody

cereal--because I'm an idiot and submitted too soon...

sj, that's your first? That's a good story. Oh, if our show had only made so much sense. I love the despair premise. I like the details of the tea, the continuity shout-out, and Giles cleaning his glasses. Very good. More, please.


Rebecca Lizard - Oct 05, 2003 4:10:42 am PDT #6969 of 10001
You sip / say it's your crazy / straw say it's you're crazy / as you bicycle your soul / with beauty in your basket

The "the first two are fine, the third the hand" is a little confusing. I think I missed reading the "the" prior to "hand" there on my first read, and so had to read it twice to get what you meant. I figured it out, because I have a guitar, and its case has 3 latches. At first, I did read it as if you meant 3 hands. Drabbles are so tight word-wise, I'm not sure what to suggest to clarify.

I thought that too. Maybe a comma after "third", deb.

It's a nice drabble.


deborah grabien - Oct 05, 2003 8:20:39 am PDT #6970 of 10001
It really doesn't matter. It's just an opinion. Don't worry about it. Not worth the hassle.

Thankee.

Fixed, to read:

He rolls it, flexes it, kneels carefully. The guitar case has three snap-latches; the first two are fine, third latch, the hand skitters across the top. Fucking tease.

I wanted to keep the staccato rhythm of it, since despite the third person, the hand is really being viewed through a filter of Lindsey's exasperation with it.


erikaj - Oct 05, 2003 10:09:37 am PDT #6971 of 10001
Always Anti-fascist!

Ok, then...Lindsey's hand works like...my whole body. Because, essentially the wiring is only indifferently connected. My brain sends messages that only parts of me can pick up. Which freaks out the muscles(don't you love my mastery of all these technical concepts?) Sj, most excellent rendition of the Buffy & Giles relationship. Good voices, too.


deborah grabien - Oct 05, 2003 10:52:24 am PDT #6972 of 10001
It really doesn't matter. It's just an opinion. Don't worry about it. Not worth the hassle.

erika, it's also pretty similar to what the MS does, in terms of signals.

I grok the Evil Hand, but mine's my left one.


sj - Oct 05, 2003 11:31:40 am PDT #6973 of 10001
"There are few hours in life more agreeable than the hour dedicated to the ceremony known as afternoon tea."

Good voices, too.

Thank you. I need to hear this because I had myself convinced that I couldn't write dialogue.

Deb, I love the evil hand story. I also understand the body not doing what you want/expect it to do.