Enjoined, Chapter 4

Las Vegas, Nevada
The Twilight Time Motel, room 120
Wee hours of the morning, Sunday, June 8, 2003

Kennedy and Dawn, full of sugar and caffeine, had sprawled on one of the two double beds. Dawn had been talking her shiny-haired head off. She approached droning a couple of times, but mostly managed to walk the thin line.

She explained Willow's passions, good and bad, and how her friendship with Buffy and Xander and relationship with Oz coincided with gains in her confidence, and power as well. She explained how she believes that by performing the Curse of Restoration on Angel for the first time, Willow opened a door, a door which, as Giles said at the time, might have been better left closed. She explained the parallel between Willow's break with Oz and another increase in power. She explained how Willow's love for and with Tara seemed to coincide with yet another. She explained Tara's break with Willow and Willow's magicks bender. She explained that Willow flayed Warren, not only after Warren killed Tara, but immediately on the heels of Tara and Willow's wonderful reunion. Dawn explained everything. Meanwhile, Kennedy made a full course meal of her fingernails.

Dawn reached the end of her Dr. Pepper, and her main point of concern--the enjoining spell that Willow, Giles and Xander performed when Buffy had to battle Adam--the part-demon, part-machine, full-stop-monster created by Maggie Walsh and the Initiative.

Jumping up, eyes wide from excitement, surprise or over-caffeination, Kennedy said, "So you think it's Buffy's fault!"

Dawn sat up, hugging her knees against her chest. "Hey. Whoa. What is it with you? I sooooo did not say that. I do think all of them, particularly Giles and Willow rushed into the Enjoining Spell, or well, I guess they had to rush to save Riley. So 'rush' isn't fair. I suppose it seemed pointless to them, but with that dream immediately following that spell, I could never get over the fact that they did no more research."

Kennedy sat back on the bed, keeping one foot on the floor. "Were you... real... then, when they did the spell and had the dream?"

"I... I... I'm not sure. Based on the monk's journal that Spike and I lifted, I don't think so. After Glory was defeated and Buffy died, it seemed pointless to research it further. Are you noticing a pattern? Whatever, I--I guess. I'm real now. And I don't even really understand what the monks did. They might have folded time and had me actually born. They might have rewritten Buffy's history. Um... Where was I? At any rate, I think I must have come after that dream. My kittens are on Dracula being involved, but..."

"Kittens?"

"It's a Spike-ism. He bets--used to--bet them, in poker games."

"Oh. Spike gives me a will... Suddenly on board with the Wiggins-train."

"Huh?"

"Never mind. I just wish I had been there for Dracula. That must have been unreal. I interrupted you. Why'd you say, 'after the dream' they should have done more research?"

"The dream was a total flip-out, well, what I remember hearing was. I--I..."

"Eaves-dropped a lot as a kid?"

"Yeah."

"I'm down with that. You were growing up on a Hellmouth, with a slayer sister, with an itch for vampires. I'd have bought spy-ware."

"That's a story for another night," said Dawn. She recounted what she remembered hearing about the first time the First Slayer visited Buffy and friends in their dream. Together, Kennedy and Dawn drew dotted lines between the portents in that dream and all that had happened over the last year with The First.

Now sitting Indian style, her elbows drooped until they rested on her knees. She rubbed her hands together, then clasped them together, fingers inter-laced, as if in prayer. "Buffy dreamt about the first slayer during all this business with the First Evil, you know."

"Yeah," said Kennedy, "the night Chloe killed herself."

Dawn nodded. Kennedy eased her other leg onto the bed, and mirrored Dawn's pose. "According to the other Potentials, when Giles took them out to that sacred spot in the desert, he said the First Slayer had once appeared to Buffy there as well, as some sort of spirit guide. You're right, Dawn. They should have done more research. I suppose it's hard to find sources on prehistoric events, though."

"Well, since that's what prehistoric means... But, we have that book we used when we used that shadow-puppet storytelling thing. I think we could find some direction there, even it's only directions to clues about direction."

"Dawn, you know that's so going to be your gig, right?"

"Gig? Well, yeah. I've been researching for the gang for a while, now."

"I don't only mean for the gang, Dawn. When the rest of them figure out we're finally forming a new, slayer-centric, slayer-friendly Council of Watchers, you're research girl."

"When we... Oh! Wow! You're so right, Kennedy. That is what we're doing, isn't it. We're the new CoW!"

"Yeah, can you believe Giles and Buffy think they're just opening up an office supply business on the outskirts of Vegas?"

"No sh...kidding. That's the Buffy-dream they decide to pay attention to. If I had a clue-stick, it'd be all worn out by now. They're exasperating."

(chapter 4 cont'd in next post)

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(Enjoined, Chapter 4, cont'd)

"I thought they'd get there on their own. Willow did realize we had to find all the new slayers. But so far, it's been all talk, no action, and none of the talk seems to center on anything resembling a plan. The office supply business is just a cover for 'locating' all the slayers, and bringing them in to brief them. And you know, I'm crazy about her, but this is another thing that drives me batty with the magic stuff. 'Oh, we'll tell them they're empowered because they're part of an ancient, mystical bloodline, a sorority if you will, blah, blah, blah.' Now, as one of the 'chosen,' I'm delighted I'm not the only 'Chosen One.' But the council...well, the idea of it--getting rid of it is like throwing the baby out with the bath water."

"Why haven't you said anything?"

"Any time I've broached the subject... well let's just say little sisters may be 'cursed by gypsies to walk the earth, unrecognized as - yada, yada' but they weren't cursed to walk it alone."

...

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Cindy, I'm liking it. There's the odd typo--

Angel's hesitates

is all that I can see at a second glance (extra 's), and I'm a little shaky about it being in the present tense, but the character voices are good.

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Angel's hesitates

Nice catch. Thank you.

I'm a little shaky about it being in the present tense, but the character voices are good.

I'm very shaky about that, myself. I started writing it with the Dawn-Kennedy scene, and it was not in present tense. Plei and I had a conversation about tenses and I decided to try present for the hell of it. I thought it might make it feel more episode-like. But I've had a lot of trouble being consistent in it. I just fixed a bunch of "asked" into "asks", before I posted. I don't think I like it anymore for this story, but the thought of re-changing it back is really daunting.

Are you anti-present tense in general, or is my shakiness in using it coming through?

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Like Am-Chau, I wonder about the present tense. I think it's hard to use in a story like this, which is sort of episodic.

I'd also suggest taking a look at your dialogue tags. You have a lot of "interrupts", "asks", "responds", "snarls", "growls", "cracks", "blurts", etc. I'd check out Macedon's "The Craft of Writing". He talks about how "said", or in this case "says", is a transparent word, whereas excessive use of other tags tends to distract the reader. Instead of relying on "growls" and "jokes", you can convey the mood with description. If Willow's joking, is it because she's nervous? Is she twisting her hands in her lap? Is she looking at one of the other people in the room for support?

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I'd also suggest taking a look at your dialogue tags. You have a lot of "interrupts", "asks", "responds", "snarls", "growls", "cracks", "blurts", etc. I'd check out Macedon's "The Craft of Writing". He talks about how "said", or in this case "says", is a transparent word, whereas excessive use of other tags tends to distract the reader. Instead of relying on "growls" and "jokes", you can convey the mood with description. If Willow's joking, is it because she's nervous? Is she twisting her hands in her lap? Is she looking at one of the other people in the room for support?

Excellent, Dana. Thank you. I am bookmarking that right now. That's another thing I was uncomfortable with. I never thought about "said" being transparent, though. Hmmm, also, maybe the length is why I no longer like the present. That's an interesting thought.

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I never thought about "said" being transparent, though.

That whole essay of Macedon's is great, and that was one of the things that really hit me back when I first read it, because it wasn't something I'd ever thought about either.

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That whole essay of Macedon's is great,

I gave it a very quick skim when I bookmarked it. It is also funny! Thank you again. I need the resource.

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Are you anti-present tense in general, or is my shakiness in using it coming through?

Um... I'm anti when it doesn't work, which is normally when someone's shaky about using it. I can't quite say I'm always anti, because there are one or two times when I've used it myself-- but I was very sure that's what it needed, all the way through, before I made that choice. And it wasn't easy.

Macedon's essay is well worth reading.

You can also sometimes get away with untagged dialogue, or dialogue tagged only with, "Willow looked at Xander for support/ the floor for clues/ the back of her eyelids".

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I do have some untagged. I'm pretty dialogue heavy though, and I know I hate when I am reading, leave, come back, and can't figure out who is talking, so I tried to walk the line. In general, is there still too much tagging in your opinion?

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