Damn, this is great. I'm going to have to go back and read straight through again. I love the Juris. There's something almost Gaimanesque about the idea of something so evil it has become heartbreakingly beautiful.
Xander: We just saw the zebras mating! Thank you, very exciting... Willow: It was like the Heimlich, with stripes!
'Him'
Buffista Fic: It Could Be Plot Bunnies
Where the Buffistas let their fanfic creative juices flow. May contain erotica.
Anne W. - Jul 01, 2003 9:57:14 am PDT #4718 of 10001
The lost sheep grow teeth, forsake their lambs, and lie with the lions.
deborah grabien - Jul 01, 2003 10:21:03 am PDT #4719 of 10001
It really doesn't matter. It's just an opinion. Don't worry about it. Not worth the hassle.
Victor, this is totally rocking. Pretty Juris!
Two suggestions:
Dawn’s eyes scanned her comrades.
I blinked at that, because, well, did her eyes do it without her? Moving body parts? It's a bit of very odd phrasing there, and the "eyes" is redundant, because the only part of the body that can scan is eyes, basically.
The other thing:
“Twenty years,” thought Dawn, “and he was nowhere near balancing the scales.”
Tenses. Spike is nowhere near balancing the scales. She's not seeing him in the past tense.
victor infante - Jul 01, 2003 10:28:32 am PDT #4720 of 10001
To understand what happened at the diner, we shall use Mr. Papaya! This is upsetting because he's the friendliest of fruits.
Thanks for the suggestions, Deb. Corrections made!
Pretty Juris!
Heh. I like the Juris. He'll have more to do later. This story is entirely too long. I'll be posting it in pieces 'til doomsday.
There's something almost Gaimanesque about the idea of something so evil it has become heartbreakingly beautiful.
Gaiman? an influence on me? Surely not.
esse - Jul 01, 2003 11:40:21 am PDT #4721 of 10001
S to the A -- using they/them pronouns!
There's something almost Gaimanesque about the idea of something so evil it has become heartbreakingly beautiful.
Huh. That's how I've been thinking of it, though I couldn't flat out define it. Good way to describe it though.
Lovely, Victor. And I don't think you'll find any complaints were you to post till doomsday.
Steph L. - Jul 01, 2003 11:42:27 am PDT #4722 of 10001
this mess was yours / now your mess is mine
Can you link to the first part, Victor?
victor infante - Jul 01, 2003 12:22:54 pm PDT #4723 of 10001
To understand what happened at the diner, we shall use Mr. Papaya! This is upsetting because he's the friendliest of fruits.
Can you link to the first part, Victor?
With my HTML skills, that's always a question. Here goes nothing!
The Ressurection Gambit, Part One
victor infante - Jul 01, 2003 12:24:48 pm PDT #4724 of 10001
To understand what happened at the diner, we shall use Mr. Papaya! This is upsetting because he's the friendliest of fruits.
Hey. It worked.
jlp - Jul 01, 2003 1:19:39 pm PDT #4725 of 10001
"I lurk"
While we're on the subject of eyes, in Part 3, shouldn't
Xander had shielded his eyes from the flash
be "Xander had shielded his eye from the flash" ?
:)
</delurk>
victor infante - Jul 01, 2003 1:28:50 pm PDT #4726 of 10001
To understand what happened at the diner, we shall use Mr. Papaya! This is upsetting because he's the friendliest of fruits.
be "Xander had shielded his eye from the flash" ?
You're right. And now it is.
This is why I'm kind to ME writers about minor continuity errors.
Beverly - Jul 01, 2003 1:31:39 pm PDT #4727 of 10001
Days shrink and grow cold, sunlight through leaves is my song. Winter is long.
You could make it more or less ambiguous with "Xander had shielded his vision from the flash"