Coolness. I have to stop by and pick something up from them anyway, so I'll talk to the owner this week.
The Great Write Way
A place for Buffistas to discuss, beta and otherwise deal and dish on their non-fan fiction projects.
Utter coolness. Now, you just need to tell me what would make you happy to eat, and I'll make certain we have it at the BBQ (see Beep Me from a few days ago).
New acrostic poem for class tonight. Thoughts?
Solstice
Somnolence settles over the landscape, as black-eyed Susans
Undulate in the breeze (the breeze
Murmuring enticements that tickle the ear and
Melt all resolve to work, study, clean):
Expectations trickle away with the
Rivulets that run down my glass.
***
Question: line 3 -- "Murmuring" or "Murmurs"?
I like murmuring better.
but murmurs fits the tense you have going, Tep.
I think murmuring works.
And the rest of it?
I like it. I have a nagging feeling that I don't quite have the background to understand it (I assume a black-eyed Susan is a kind of flower?) but I like the tone of it and I can definately identify with the feeling.
I like the repeat of "the breeze" a lot - it all flows really comfortably up to "expectations," and then feels a little stilted to me. Something about the "with the" I think.
Oh, yeah, Tep. It sounds beautiful, but this desert-dweller can't really picture what a blackeyed Susan looks like. I wrote an acrostic recently but I wrote it cause I was upset. May need some time to pass before I share.