but murmurs fits the tense you have going, Tep.
She's terse. I can be terse. Once in flight school, I was laconic.
Wash ,'War Stories'
The Great Write Way
A place for Buffistas to discuss, beta and otherwise deal and dish on their non-fan fiction projects.
erikaj - Jul 07, 2003 8:59:24 am PDT #1493 of 10001
Always Anti-fascist!
Am-Chau Yarkona - Jul 07, 2003 9:04:58 am PDT #1494 of 10001
I bop to Wittgenstein. -- Nutty
I think murmuring works.
Steph L. - Jul 07, 2003 9:09:39 am PDT #1495 of 10001
I look more rad than Lutheranism
And the rest of it?
Am-Chau Yarkona - Jul 07, 2003 9:12:45 am PDT #1496 of 10001
I bop to Wittgenstein. -- Nutty
I like it. I have a nagging feeling that I don't quite have the background to understand it (I assume a black-eyed Susan is a kind of flower?) but I like the tone of it and I can definately identify with the feeling.
Katie M - Jul 07, 2003 9:13:14 am PDT #1497 of 10001
I was charmed (albeit somewhat perplexed) by the fannish sensibility of many of the music choices -- it's like the director was trying to vid Canada. --loligo on the Olympic Opening Ceremonies
I like the repeat of "the breeze" a lot - it all flows really comfortably up to "expectations," and then feels a little stilted to me. Something about the "with the" I think.
erikaj - Jul 07, 2003 9:17:09 am PDT #1498 of 10001
Always Anti-fascist!
Oh, yeah, Tep. It sounds beautiful, but this desert-dweller can't really picture what a blackeyed Susan looks like. I wrote an acrostic recently but I wrote it cause I was upset. May need some time to pass before I share.
Steph L. - Jul 07, 2003 9:18:28 am PDT #1499 of 10001
I look more rad than Lutheranism
Black-eyed Susan. Common summer flower 'round these here parts.
erikaj - Jul 07, 2003 9:20:27 am PDT #1500 of 10001
Always Anti-fascist!
They're really pretty. I can see why you would put them in.
Am-Chau Yarkona - Jul 07, 2003 9:22:01 am PDT #1501 of 10001
I bop to Wittgenstein. -- Nutty
Thanks for the linky, Steph. Pretty flower. (I learn something new every day on this board!) I can see why that image fits in the poem well.
deborah grabien - Jul 07, 2003 9:37:26 am PDT #1502 of 10001
It really doesn't matter. It's just an opinion. Don't worry about it. Not worth the hassle.
Teppy, it's lovely. As lazy as the season itself, not to mention the susan itself.
I like the -ing suffix, but then, I always like indirect better than direct.