I like it. I have a nagging feeling that I don't quite have the background to understand it (I assume a black-eyed Susan is a kind of flower?) but I like the tone of it and I can definately identify with the feeling.
Come on out, River. The nice man wants to kidnap you.
Simon ,'Objects In Space'
The Great Write Way
A place for Buffistas to discuss, beta and otherwise deal and dish on their non-fan fiction projects.
Am-Chau Yarkona - Jul 07, 2003 9:12:45 am PDT #1496 of 10001
I bop to Wittgenstein. -- Nutty
Katie M - Jul 07, 2003 9:13:14 am PDT #1497 of 10001
I was charmed (albeit somewhat perplexed) by the fannish sensibility of many of the music choices -- it's like the director was trying to vid Canada. --loligo on the Olympic Opening Ceremonies
I like the repeat of "the breeze" a lot - it all flows really comfortably up to "expectations," and then feels a little stilted to me. Something about the "with the" I think.
erikaj - Jul 07, 2003 9:17:09 am PDT #1498 of 10001
Always Anti-fascist!
Oh, yeah, Tep. It sounds beautiful, but this desert-dweller can't really picture what a blackeyed Susan looks like. I wrote an acrostic recently but I wrote it cause I was upset. May need some time to pass before I share.
Steph L. - Jul 07, 2003 9:18:28 am PDT #1499 of 10001
I look more rad than Lutheranism
Black-eyed Susan. Common summer flower 'round these here parts.
erikaj - Jul 07, 2003 9:20:27 am PDT #1500 of 10001
Always Anti-fascist!
They're really pretty. I can see why you would put them in.
Am-Chau Yarkona - Jul 07, 2003 9:22:01 am PDT #1501 of 10001
I bop to Wittgenstein. -- Nutty
Thanks for the linky, Steph. Pretty flower. (I learn something new every day on this board!) I can see why that image fits in the poem well.
deborah grabien - Jul 07, 2003 9:37:26 am PDT #1502 of 10001
It really doesn't matter. It's just an opinion. Don't worry about it. Not worth the hassle.
Teppy, it's lovely. As lazy as the season itself, not to mention the susan itself.
I like the -ing suffix, but then, I always like indirect better than direct.
deborah grabien - Jul 07, 2003 9:39:22 am PDT #1503 of 10001
It really doesn't matter. It's just an opinion. Don't worry about it. Not worth the hassle.
WHOA.
(my current Amazon author sales rank:
Amazon.com Sales Rank: 3,415
Yesterday it was 1,246,000. (Lower is better; I'm pretty damned sure Ms. Rowling or Senator Clinton is 1 right now).
Either someone's been busy ordering, or else everyone else stopped selling....
Katie M - Jul 07, 2003 9:52:06 am PDT #1504 of 10001
I was charmed (albeit somewhat perplexed) by the fannish sensibility of many of the music choices -- it's like the director was trying to vid Canada. --loligo on the Olympic Opening Ceremonies
Black-eyed susan is the prototype summer flower for me, too, so a good choice. The only other high summer flower that comes to mind immediately is Queen Anne's lace, but that's... white. The exemplar of all midsummer flowers ought to be yellow.
Rebecca Lizard - Jul 07, 2003 11:26:06 am PDT #1505 of 10001
You sip / say it's your crazy / straw say it's you're crazy / as you bicycle your soul / with beauty in your basket
Wow, deb. Very cool.