I like it. I have a nagging feeling that I don't quite have the background to understand it (I assume a black-eyed Susan is a kind of flower?) but I like the tone of it and I can definately identify with the feeling.
The Great Write Way
A place for Buffistas to discuss, beta and otherwise deal and dish on their non-fan fiction projects.
I like the repeat of "the breeze" a lot - it all flows really comfortably up to "expectations," and then feels a little stilted to me. Something about the "with the" I think.
Oh, yeah, Tep. It sounds beautiful, but this desert-dweller can't really picture what a blackeyed Susan looks like. I wrote an acrostic recently but I wrote it cause I was upset. May need some time to pass before I share.
Black-eyed Susan. Common summer flower 'round these here parts.
They're really pretty. I can see why you would put them in.
Thanks for the linky, Steph. Pretty flower. (I learn something new every day on this board!) I can see why that image fits in the poem well.
Teppy, it's lovely. As lazy as the season itself, not to mention the susan itself.
I like the -ing suffix, but then, I always like indirect better than direct.
WHOA.
(my current Amazon author sales rank:
Amazon.com Sales Rank: 3,415
Yesterday it was 1,246,000. (Lower is better; I'm pretty damned sure Ms. Rowling or Senator Clinton is 1 right now).
Either someone's been busy ordering, or else everyone else stopped selling....
Black-eyed susan is the prototype summer flower for me, too, so a good choice. The only other high summer flower that comes to mind immediately is Queen Anne's lace, but that's... white. The exemplar of all midsummer flowers ought to be yellow.
Wow, deb. Very cool.