P-C, I have to say that if I was you, I'd just be lying to my family in whatever way keeps them quiet. Which I'm fairly sure makes me a bad person.

But anyway, I had a most wonderful day yesterday. I haven't seen much of le bloke recently, living next door to each other not withstanding, as as soon as I handed in all my semester work, his deadlines started looming. But he took the day off yesterday, because the weather was just glorious. So we walked to a local park for a picnic , some snoozing in the sun and frisbee, then walked to the botanical gardens, where it seems as though everything was coming into bloom. And I think I may have got a little sunburned. Yay summer!

P-C, I have to say that if I was you, I'd just be lying to my family in whatever way keeps them quiet. Which I'm fairly sure makes me a bad person.

Well, I do that so often it's like second nature these days. Which kind of disturbs me.

Nah, whatever makes them happy. Or happier. And keeps you from complete mentalitude.

And hey, I left the country because I was sick of dealing with my family, so I think you're definitely doing better than me.

My theory on this "success rate" is that the stigma for divorce is even higher in cultures with arranged marriages.

I think that's probably true. However, one point this book made is that people, if left to their own devices, tend to pick partners that match their expectations of what a love relationship is, and often those are fucked-up expectations. Like, "people I love always criticize me" or "people I love always hit me" or similar.

Not that I'm in favor of arranged marriages necessarily, but they do work, and they sometimes keep you from marrying someone just like your mother (or father).

So anyway, P-C, has your family suggested positive alternatives to go with their negative statements? You can't be on the Internet, and you can't socialize in person with girls...have they proposed options for what you *can* do?

You can't be on the Internet, and you can't socialize in person with girls...have they proposed options for what you *can* do?

I get the impression that all my time must be spent A) interacting with family in the vicinity, B) meeting and greeting extended family who happen to visit, and C) finding male Indian friends.

Oh, I'm also not supposed to read books all the time.

With that, I go to bed.

Oh, I'm also not supposed to read books all the time.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh, the HELL with that. That sound you just heard? It was the camel's back breaking. I mean, yes, my mother had to physically remove my book from me to prevent me from reading through my cousin's wedding when I was 15, so I'm not exactly without a bias here, but...the HELL with that.

They have no clue how lucky they are. My God. What, they'd rather you were in a less intellectual, more testosterone-fuelled frame of mind?

What. Ever.

I am trying very hard not to call them CRAZYHEADS, but without much success. I hereby declare it mandatory that you move immediately if not sooner, because a household that thinks you should read less is a crazy household.

(You need to watch Goodness Gracious Me, though. I think you would enjoy it.)

I recently read a book called "A General Theory of Love" (it's about neurophysiology) which in some part explains why arranged marriages work (because they do have a better success rate than love marriages)

Long ago, I read something (can't even remember what) saying they work better...in cultures that practice and support them. I think the discussion was along the lines of: It's good, or even better, if you're in a place where arranged marriage is the expectation, but it is a really difficult thing for people who have been raised in the West, and are assimilated into Western culture. I might have even read this in my Sociology of Marriage and Family course, in college.

Well, that seems logical enough.

Yeah, you're right. My mom does acknowledge the fact that I'm quiet...she just doesn't like it. It means I think I'm better than everyone.

If it helps, remind yourself that what it actually means is that it makes them feel inadequate - same with the books and computer, I'd guess. They don't understand it, so it makes them feel like you're choosing something else over them. People are scared of what they don't understand, and it makes them defensive, and it's much easier to just turn that around and make it about you. But it's really not.

I used to get the stuff about reading too much too - but only from my mother. My dad encouraged the reading. My mother told me the reason I needed glasses was because I read so much, with the subtext that boys would never like me because I wore glasses and read books.

I can't even imagine what my mom's reaction would've been to my various non-white boyfriends. Actually, I strongly suspect I never would have dated had she stayed in my life.

So, yeah, parents freaky.

OTOH, Mallory just rotated his pacifier in his mouth, like an airplane propellor, using only his tongue. That's going to make him popular someday.