It is true, it's different for me (I'd thought about putting that disclaimer in my post, but then felt it was obvious).
But there is a difference between confessing a taboo relationship and kissing people. I don't know anything about the arranged marriage track, but I'd assume that folks on it probably have been fooling around before the marriages go through (my only basis for this assumption is my mom dating/fooling around with Indian dudes before they and she got married to their intended, and in their cases, it was arranged).
But even with the arranged marriage issue, which is obviously a tough thing you're working out now, there is still such a thing as boundaries and autonomy and stuff. Just because you (may) marry someone of your family's choosing doesn't mean that your mother is your confessor of all deeds and thoughts in your brain. If you elope in Vegas and don't come clean, well, yes, there's a conflict with the arranged marriage thing. Otherwise- and I may just not get the cultural thing here, and I apologize if this is the case- I think you can let go of the kissage guilt. (Your Mother and Other Issues May Vary, of course)
Having autonomy/boundaries and dealing with the arranged marriage question/issue are two distinct issues, IMO. Of course, it's your opinion that matters, this is just an outsider's perspective.
Cereal to add: remembering my mom's non-dad kissing history has BUMMED ME OUT.
(she can have one, sure, but I'm wishing I hadn't had THOSE memories resurface. See what I do for the P-C!?!?!)
I guess I should stop complaining about this shit. I don't really have a right to when I don't have the fortitude to leave my family or whatever.
Don't be silly. That's a tough decision to make, and I think it's wonderful that you love your family. But relationships always work two ways -- it has to be a balance of what you're comfortable with and what they want, and vice versa.
Kissing, as Nora said, doesn't seem like a big deal to me, but if it is for you, maybe you need to talk to your mom again.
Honestly, P-C I understand what you are saying, but as far as I can tell , you aren't really doing anythign against arrange marriage either. You are learning what you like. Even if you go with an arranged marriage ( and I know some very successful ones) I think the chances of you haveing a successful marriage are greater if you have done a little bit more exploreing all kinds of relationships with people. Besides, even if your family came up with perfect canidate, you are a few years ( or more) from being ready for marriage. remember, all kinds of families have problems rangeing form minor to major with their kids being married. Just stick to one or two points - that you can really mean ( like mom, I'd be happy to meet ms. X , but remember , I can't even afford an aptarment yet- so it will be a few years befor I gert married) , don't worry about her hopes, and just go with it.
See what I do for the P-C!?!?!)
I'm sorry, Nora. *hugs*
I, too, have heard tales of folks fooling around before their arranged marriages, but it's been very illicit. Girlfriends are a no-no. If I am seen within ten feet of a girl, she's assumed to be my girlfriend (no, really, there was all this behind-my-back suspicion going on a couple years ago when my uncle picked me up and saw me with a girl (in addition to a boy, but: GIRL!)). When you're under this kind of scrutiny, everything feels illegal.
When you're under this kind of scrutiny, everything feels illegal.
I'm assuming you won't be showing them pictures from the F2F, then?
Sitting firmly in the It's Not Lying If You're Just Leaving Out Certain Details camp.
Go ahead. Try to act surprised.
I did, however, break a tooth on a bone chip in a burger yesterday. Dentist at one today.
Dentist and tooth ~ma to you, Bev! Poor you.
Lots of health and recovery ~ma to many of our lovely Bitches!
I'm assuming you won't be showing them pictures from the F2F, then?
I haven't shown them pictures in years because so many of them involve either girls or locations I did not tell them I was going.
Besides, even if your family came up with perfect canidate, you are a few years ( or more) from being ready for marriage.
Actually, I think I expire this year. And now that I have a job, clearly, it's time to get married.
Has your family been introducing you to any Indian women?
