As a clinically depressed person, I've heard the dark voice of the black hole calling me. I only attempted to kill myself once and it was a pretty lame attempt. I've thought about it more. I was on my way to planning when I decided to try getting help. That's probably why I'm still alive.

I think most people who seriously attempt or succeed at suicide or murder/suicide are depressed = crazy.

Sane people want to live and have survival instincts.

RIP Paul Gleason . He played the principal in "The Breakfast Club" and the bad guy private investigator Clarence Beeks in "Trading Places."

Aw. 67 is too young. (I bet you know him from somewhere else, Narrator...)

Yes, I do indeedy, Topic!Cindy. Many years ago he was on "All My Children."

I googled his picture (because I could only imagine the face of the principal from Ferris Bueller's Day Off, and knew that wasn't him). The wiki entry on Gleason has his Soap Opera Digest covery.

I went up to the little Stone Zoo in Stoneham this afternoon, to look at baby jaguars, who were out and very active, which included not quite balancing on top of a log, pouncing on each other's tails, and wrestling. If you'd cued them to perform for the visitors they couldn't have done any better.

Being midday on the hottest day yet this year, the majority of the animals were snoozing in strategicly hidden spots ("Look, over there! I think I see an ear!") but it was still fun. There was a regally-posed mountain lion, who treated us to some big yawning, so that we could see all his teeth.

There were also bats, including some gigundass Malayan Flying Foxes.

Rain! Thunder! Rain!

And 10 minutes ago I was thinking of heading out for a walk.

Thanks, typo, beth and 'suela. I almost deleted the post because I thought it might be misinterpreted or be too intense. Basically, I was trying to give my personal background with suicidal ideation so that I could present my "cred" when talking about the relation some suicides have to aggression and passive-aggressiveness.

I've been on anti-depressants since late last year and they've definitely helped me manage things. I hate the side-effects and I hate the idea that I might have to take anti-deps the rest of my life, but I have to say they've been very useful in helping me deal with the culmination of 3 years of extreme stress on top of my normal level of depression. I feel pretty average right now and was posting in a very matter-of-fact way about my experience.

Timelies all!

{{{Sophia}}}

Balticon was fun. The carpets in the hotel was indeed more hideous than the pictures had indicated. The halls were rather maze-like, and I learned there is a floor zero. Oh, and Neil Gaiman is cool, but we all knew that.

I'm glad to read that Spidra. I think some people have unreasonable prejudices against antidepressants (I used to be one of them), but until you've been in that place you can't really know how much they can help. I've been on ADs since last July and I can honestly say my life has changed so much for the better since I went on them, I wish I'd asked for them earlier.

I don't like the "just take a pill" mentality that a lot of the medical establishment has, but anti-deps can definitely help some people when they're prescribed responsibly. I was very resistant to taking anti-deps but gave in in 1995 because I just wanted to get my parents off my back. I took Effexor and Trazadone in 95 - 96. While they moderated the lows, they also cut off the highs and I still feel robbed of the feelings that were muffled when falling in love with the love of my life. I eventually dropped Effexor. A number of years later, after some trouble locating a legal source, I took L-Tryptophan in the hopes of giving my body more fodder for manufacturing more serotonin.

But the last 3 years have been among the most stressful of my entire life. I've gone through things that would have been pretty trying for someone who *didn't* suffer from depression. Once again, I knuckled under to taking drugs because my parents were pushing it on me. I hate to admit I was wrong, but it has helped. I'm on generic Celexa at the moment.

I've been in psychotherapy on and off for the last 15 years. So even when I wasn't taking anti-deps, I was always addressing stuff.

I'm glad you've found them helpful, SailAweigh. Depression sucks.