the connection between crushes/pining/unrequited obsession and relationships

How are you defining crushes? I see them as the indicator that it's not just platonic, that you're wanting a little more touchie feelie from the other person than you had the other way. So it's almost required, unless they put the moves on first and you realise you like to respond.

I think "OMG! I have a crush on Steve¹!" can be followed by pining, or by the talk, or by seducing Steve, or by gestures that prod him into motion. The further you get down the pining path, the less chance of successful conversion, I'd think. And unrequited is prevented by definition by becoming a relationship, isn't it? And obsession shouldn't be allowed the chance. Bad stalker! No biscuit!

If I'm not the one who started it, I have a soul-crushing sense of doom, as in YOU ARE ABOUT TO BE DUMPED IN A PSYCHOLOGICALLY CRIPPLING WAY AND TOO BAD THIS CAN'T BE DONE IN PUBLIC FOR MAXIMUM TRAUMA.

Interesting. Perhaps it is better to start it oneself, then.

I don't know what a BMECT! is

But My Experience Contradicts That!

¹: Steve was recently adopted in conversation IRL as an equivalent to Bob, but we have no indication of his carrot likes or dislikes.

I love crushes so much. But pining is painful.

I'm worse than the passive aggressive "nice" guys, though.

I get angry when waiters flirt for tips, for example. I just think, and sometimes say something to the effect of, "I'm going to tip you well because you're kind and brought me the food and drink quickly and pleasantly, but you don't think I'm attractive, and wouldn't flirt with me outside of here. So stop."

So, yeah, I'm way worse. Because I realize it's crappy and do it anyway.

What do people think about the connection between crushes/pining/unrequited obsession and relationships?

I've had two relationships with people who were previously the objects of c/p/uo, and both seemed to go well for a time (but with blazingly obvious big red flags that I should have seen and could have seen, but was too intoxicated by crush-fruition to admit to) but then crashed and burned most spectacularly.

I can't think of anyone I pined over and didn't just ask out or something. There were maybe a couple where that was lack of opprotunity due to existing relationships or such.

Nice to me means treating people with respect, the whole treat people that way you want to be treated thing. I don't think it necessarily means boring.

I've had terribly wonderful crushes on gay men, straight married men, all kinds of men. Crushes, in my head, tend to be about wanting to show affection, and flirt. Crushes, in my head, aren't about sex. Pining is. Bad crushes sometimes happen when I feel crushy towards someone who I think/know will misinterpret affection for wanting the bone. I try to make those stop.

I think most women I c/p/uo-ed on I eventually confessed/asked out. None ended in relationships, however.

Am I the only one who sees 'pining' and wants to complete it with 'for the fjords'?

It's probably me. Once I'm a'crushing and a'pining, I can't put myself in the position of being rejected, but instead become one of those people that desperately hope the object, the Steve if you will, will realize my amazingness and put me out of my misery. So crushes are destined to fail-- for me. Dating total strangers is almost easier.

Steve was recently adopted in conversation IRL as an equivalent to Bob, but we have no indication of his carrot likes or dislikes.

Dude, Bob can totally kick Steve's ass.

I used to never get crushes. I would look at a guy and think "You. Let's." although I mightn't say it out loud. Sometimes stuff would just happen, sometimes it wouldn't. Or, the guy would say (or gesture somehow) "Let's" and I'd think it was a marvellous idea, and we would.

Crushing? Crushing is recent, and I'm not sure how much I like it.