I'm 200 messages behind in Natter.

I figured that might be true.

Insent shortly.

I had 3 showers. But one was in Michigan, one was here and one was thrown by my boss at my work. And I had 2 bachlorette parties, one here and one in Michigan. BUT - no one was a repeat guest. I was at her shower in Michigan. Now, I didn't make the trip for it-I was there anyway, but I was there. And sans gift cause I knew I'd be getting something else.

Aimee, you do NOT need to throw her Shower #4. HELL no.

Also, I take such fucking exception to this comment of MoH:

This is a combination bachelorette/bridal shower and yes, there are expenses

Um, no -- people invited to bridal showers are GUESTS, and as such, the person ORGANIZING the shower -- that would be Ms. Moneybags McMoh -- is responsible for providing all the food/bev/entertainment. And by "providing," I mean "paying for." And you know what? Everyone who's ever been to a bridal shower EVER damn well KNOWS THAT.

Aimée, this woman deserves a world of smiting. Whatever old buttons you may still have lying around that she's tromping on and tripping off, she's the one doing the tromping.

Also, the sniffy little Miss Manners in me is sitting here desperately wanting to pimp-slap her with an 8-volume etiquette omnibus. How can she possibly have attained her majority without cluing in to the fact that the host of a party does not ask the guests to pony up for their own attendance, ever? If you want to say, "Hey, let's all get together for dinner next Friday, meet at Café Pricée at 6," that's one thing. If you're organizing and hosting a formal sending-out-invitations Event, your guests are YOUR GUESTS. If you can't afford to pay for the whole shebang, cut the guest list or scale back the event.

I swear. All my social-niceties-obsessed relatives in the East Bay are right now groaning and reaching for their smelling salts and lavender-scented linen handkerchiefs. They don't know why they're doing it, but there has been a dreadful breach somewhere in the Wedding Manners Force, and they can feel it right down to their bones.

That's why God invented credit cards

Such a giant fucking cowhole. (Everything is so much more pleasingly pungent with -hole.)

I'm vibing hard for your friendship with Bride to survive this misery. If that woman is her best friend since childhood, she desperately needs as much contact with actual human beings as possible.

Preach it. Both of and all of you.

Yay! Etiquette cross-post with Teppy!

the sniffy little Miss Manners in me is sitting here desperately wanting to pimp-slap her with an 8-volume etiquette omnibus

I would pay to watch this. Go, JZ!

I've only been to 4 or 5 bridal showers. I have never been asked to pay for anything at any of them. Well, one of the showers was a potluck, so I paid for the makings of apple pie or suchlike, but beyond that it was a case of bring a gift and have fun. Did any of them involve fancy hotels or spas? Nope. Did the bride to be seem happy at all of them? Yep.

Aimee, I do not believe you need feel the obligation to go to the shower nor yet to drive those other people to it. How about saying something like, "Dear MoH, I have hinted at the financial constraints of my budget already. As you refuse to take these hints, I now tell you straight out. I cannot afford to pay for the privilege of attending this shower/bachelorette party. I have reason to believe that I am not the only person who has difficulty with this issue. If you cannot bring yourself to revise your plan for this celebration, I must rescind my offer of providing transportation for others, and will have to offer my regrets that I cannot attend. I do hope you see fit to change these plans: I know that you have the intelligence and creativity to come up with a celebration will allow all of us to express the love and friendship we hold for The Bride, without doing damage to those family budgets which are strained. Thank you in advance for all your help in this matter."

Yay! Etiquette cross-post with Teppy!

Because we know where it's at, baby.