Aimee, I do not believe you need feel the obligation to go to the shower nor yet to drive those other people to it. How about saying something like, "Dear MoH, I have hinted at the financial constraints of my budget already. As you refuse to take these hints, I now tell you straight out. I cannot afford to pay for the privilege of attending this shower/bachelorette party. I have reason to believe that I am not the only person who has difficulty with this issue. If you cannot bring yourself to revise your plan for this celebration, I must rescind my offer of providing transportation for others, and will have to offer my regrets that I cannot attend. I do hope you see fit to change these plans: I know that you have the intelligence and creativity to come up with a celebration will allow all of us to express the love and friendship we hold for The Bride, without doing damage to those family budgets which are strained. Thank you in advance for all your help in this matter."

Yay! Etiquette cross-post with Teppy!

Because we know where it's at, baby.

From a bridal etiquette site:

"I would like to give the shower in a really nice restaurant, but I can't afford to pay for the guests' meals. May I ask the guests to pay for their own meals?

A: No. Entertain within your budget."

It's from here [link]

Third shower, first bachlorette party. I'm "supposed" to throw one in September, but I'm thinking no.

No. I could excuse one overly extravagant shower, but not 4 overly extravagant get togethers.

But one was in Michigan, one was here and one was thrown by my boss at my work.

This is different.

See, Andi is all polite and shit. My e-mail to MoH would be "Do you UNDERSTAND that when you're organizing/hosting a party, you don't MAKE THE GUESTS PAY?"

"P.S. -- Bitch, EAT IT!!!"

t edit Oooh -- e-mail her the link ND found!

I have a best friend since childhood too(we mostly keep contact in nostalgia now, but whatev. I still love her, but I also know she is a loon.) A raised-by-hippies sort of loon, so at least we could keep the ducats out of it, but she still won't be planning substantial stuff for me. Ever.

I have heard of paying for a bachelorette party. A no gifts expected, buy your own drinks at the bar kind of thing, but paying to attend a shower and being expected to bring a gift? so.very.tacky.

I'm trying to picture my bestest bud planning my wedding shower.

BB: So the beer tasting will start at 3 and the martial arts movie marathon will start at 3:30. Chocolate noshing will be ongoing.

Me: You do remember that I hate beer, right? The rest sounds great.

BB: Righty-oh. Beer crossed out, Aussi shiraz penciled in.

Hmmmm. It's almost enough to make me want to get married.

I have heard of paying for a bachelorette party. A no gifts expected, buy your own drinks at the bar kind of thing, but paying to attend a shower and being expected to bring a gift? so.very.tacky.

Yes, this. For a close friend's wedding this spring, the bachelorette party was a simple dinner out, at a BYOB place, so the MoH brought wine. We all chipped in for dinner, which we knew going in.

The shower was definitely hosted. Even there, though, I know it was hard for another friend of mine who was a bridesmaid, because the whole thing ended up being fairly expensive, and with dress, gifts, other expenses, contributing to the shower was hard for her.

Whatever happened to *not* having a shower at a restaurant? Mine was at a friend's house, and it was lovely and fun and low-key.

Also, are the same guests invited to these showers, other than the wedding party? Because that's also a big etiquette no no.