Or like when my mother thought she had breast cancer and it wasn't until after the biopsy that she told me? Though she told my sister, and my best friend.

Oh, lord, I sometimes think it's just MY mother who does this. Thank goodness it's not. "Oh, that pain I was worried about wasn't ovarian cancer, it was just scar tissue." "WHAT?? You never mentioned pain and testing for ovarian cancer?" "I didn't? It must have been your sister I told."

Sigh.

Signed, only had three months' warning that I was going to be an aunt. No one tells me ANYTHING.

My mother once wasn't going to tell us she was going into hospital in case we worried.

We were teens! Living at home! How is the sudden and unmentioned disappearance of a parent less worrying than the word "biopsy?"

I admit that when I had surgery a couple of years ago, I didn't tell my mom about it until a few days before I went in. That summer one sister was going through a nasty divorce, another sister got laid off, and my brother went through some nastiness at work and ended up quitting and needing my parents for some financial support. I didn't want her feeling like she had to come up and stay with me.

I was mad at my mom when she didn't tell me that my dad had been diagnosed with cancer. We were on vacation and she didn't want us to come home early (which we would have done). She knew we'd be home before he was scheduled for surgery. But Still, Hello! Cancer!

ita, that's just craxy.. what they didn't think you'd notice?? I mean teenagers can be dense but not that dense!

To be fair, I didn't tell my mother about my biopsy. I tried to not tell her until after the lumpectomy, but she figured out something was wrong. It's probably not the best approach, but if there were an Olympic medal for worrying, my mother would be a strong contender. I just couldn't take weeks of that.

I was happy my mother told me so a phone message with the word "oncologist" in it was not a shock. People keeping cats in bags should know they have unexpected ways of coming out.

I think the sick/being tested person gets to choose when to tell. It sucks to be out of the loop (thanks for not telling me my dad was in the hospital with his second heart attack until the NEXT DAY, mom), but their needs come first, even if that means bad times for us healthy folk.

Yeah, I get it but still I missed time to be with my dad. He didn't make it out of the surgery so I wish I could have come home early to spend a little more time with him.

what they didn't think you'd notice??

My father ratted her out, as was very sensible.

So I yelled at her. Which, well, teenaged denseness. I'm not a medical worrier, and she's a pro. It was so not the time for me to be offended, even though she was WRONGWRONGWRONG.

As a result, I tend to tell them things a bit sparingly. She's worst case, and I'm all "sure, whatever."

Robin, you really think that having a parent disappear is somehow the better solution? Hell, there were intermediate lies they could have spun, but she had no plans.

Robin, my problem is that my mother always assumes I already know. It's not that she's trying to keep such things from me, it's that she tells everyone else, then THINKS she's told me.

It's really annoying.

The not-finding-out about aunthood thing, mind, was in fact family drama and my mother being childish.