Funny, 'cause, you know, "Robin". Ok, not so much.

That took me a few seconds to get, but then I started laughing.

And they have to do the same, right? That's the part I don't get. If Mr. W came to you with his side of exactly this divide, would you tell him to sit tight until he gets what he wants, because he's on the negative side, or would you tell him to think about how important this is for Susan, how much it means to him, and that he should respect the priorities of the woman he married, even when they seem CRAXY?

From my perspective, losing a positive equals neutral-zero. Getting a negative equals minus points. So...the general rule in most cases is the postive yields the right of way to the negative. Because (as Susan notes) she doesn't want to impose something on her DH that's going to make him feel like his house is EvilDangerHouse. Even if his feelings are somewhat irrational.

Of course, the point of compromise is that both people concede something and move toward the middle. But as I noted, there are occasions where there is no middle ground. But to your first query, yes, his obligation is to consider her wants as well as his objection, and treat them both as if they were valid (even with CRAXY).

I'm with Betsy -- it might be a time issue.

and yes, you have to examine the negative- but often the negative is stronger. a very minor example. Dh would live with the guitar in his hand at all times. but when he is with me - if we are haveing a serious conversation he can't strum - otherwise I either get distracted or feel ignored. also, he can't play in the living room when I am watching tv. ( if it is one of his shows - and I don't want to watch - I leave the room ). He understands what I am saying - but he really has no idea what I am talking about.

Well, that's it for me, friends. G'nite Buffistas.

So...I need guy perspective for a sec.

So this guy was all "Wow, I don't want to marry you or date or anything, but we gotta have sex like this again" and asks for my number. Which I give him, and then I'm all "Hey, I'll lay here for a while, but then I'm gonna roll, cause I can't sleep with people -- I have huge insomnia." So we lay for a while, and it's fun and we go for an encore (4x in two hours...DAMN, young guys are fun) and he's all "So is this really your number?"

I say yeah, if I didn't want you to call me I'd just tell you to fuck off. So I leave and before I make it home, he calls. It goes to vmail and I call back and leave a Vm when I get home: "Hey, you called to see if this was a real number, huh? Well, it is, so call me anytime."

So, ya think he'll call? I DON'T want to date him....but a summer fling comprised of vodka tonics and sweaty sheets sounds fine...What if I call him, one fine night? You guys think he'll bite?

Just interested in a little feedback...

So...the general rule in most cases is the postive yields the right of way to the negative

Uh, not in my house. Otherwise we wouldn't, for instance, go to street festivals because my husband hates being surrounded by crowds. He puts up with it for me. Sometimes he wins. Sometimes I win. But if the negative always won, we'd be living in a smaller and smaller and smaller space that was the intersection of our two comfort zones.

Would your DH feel the same way about a sword as he does about a gun?

Unfortunately, yes. I asked. Though he's OK with me owning either a gun or a sword, if I store them somewhere else. It's the having them in the home, possibly on display, that's a problem.

Erin, I definitely think he'll bite. Sounds like you two had a good time.

part of the whole the person who sees A as a positive generally has more to lose by winning than the person who sees A as a positive. using the guitar example above - DH stands to lose a lot more if I think I am being ignored or even being distracted durring a conversation. as in those are both things that can cause a conversation to become an arguement. by giving up his positive - he gains better comunication with me - someone he has chosen to be with. Because he is willing to give up a positive - I can let him watch tv and play as long as it isn't something I am trying to watch. Which might not sound like a big deal. except that too many different noises really drives me crazy.

Sorry, Susan. I know you must be dissappointed. Is there any other piece of period memorabilia you could think of as a reward for yourself that is not a weapon?