part of the whole the person who sees A as a positive generally has more to lose by winning than the person who sees A as a positive. using the guitar example above - DH stands to lose a lot more if I think I am being ignored or even being distracted durring a conversation. as in those are both things that can cause a conversation to become an arguement. by giving up his positive - he gains better comunication with me - someone he has chosen to be with. Because he is willing to give up a positive - I can let him watch tv and play as long as it isn't something I am trying to watch. Which might not sound like a big deal. except that too many different noises really drives me crazy.

Sorry, Susan. I know you must be dissappointed. Is there any other piece of period memorabilia you could think of as a reward for yourself that is not a weapon?

But if the negative always won, we'd be living in a smaller and smaller and smaller space that was the intersection of our two comfort zones.

I don't think the negative should always win. I think that when you get to an impasse, the negative wins. If your hubby wasn't just uncomfortable with crowds but actively phobic, you wouldn't insist. You'd go to street festivals with friends and find another place to share with him.

Give up cats already in the household for someone's allergies--shit, man, she loves you lots, doesn't she. Because "allergy to cats" is kind of in the same category as "thinks Reagan was too liberal" as insurmountable incompatabilities.

Betsy just reminded me of the other side of it. The " no way, no how, never, never, never" reaction -- should be really really rare.

Susan--hold out for the gun, though you might have to do so quietly. Unless the heavens part and angels from on high show you the One True Writing Trophy, anything else hanging on that wall will be a constant reminder of what you really wanted. A blank wall is a hopeful wall.

I have a friend who moved in with her BF and his cat despite her allergy -- and then got acupuncture which cured her. Some time later she broke the engagement and ran off to Vegas and married her best friend.

Give up cats already in the household for someone's allergies--shit, man, she loves you lots, doesn't she. Because "allergy to cats" is kind of in the same category as "thinks Reagan was too liberal" as insurmountable incompatabilities.

She does. And did make that significant sacrifice.

Though I have to say, as much as I love dogs I wouldn't hesitate to give one up to be with a human partner. That's just my particular set of priorities, but it just looks like if you value intimacy with your pets over intimacy with humans you're probably going to have more intimate relationships with your pets than with other humans. Or, I guess, you could just limit your potential humans to those who are compatible with your pets.

Give up cats already in the household for someone's allergies--shit, man, she loves you lots, doesn't she. Because "allergy to cats" is kind of in the same category as "thinks Reagan was too liberal" as insurmountable incompatabilities.

Depends on if medication helps. Well, not in the case of Reagan denial.

Andi's going to move in with me. She's bringing two cats. I'm allergic. However, I can live with one Claritin a day until I build up antibodies.

Cousin Steve? Severely allergic. He's gotta move out. So. Not. Sad.

Don't let the screen door hit you, Steve..

Before this year - I didn't really understand allergies - despite having a sister that would like to live in a plastic bubble. but with the asthma, I am amazed that my BIL ever visted my house. because cats cause him to wheeze. and that means pain. and once your body finds pain as a response - it will do it every time. hard to break your body's habits.