I'm with Betsy -- it might be a time issue.

and yes, you have to examine the negative- but often the negative is stronger. a very minor example. Dh would live with the guitar in his hand at all times. but when he is with me - if we are haveing a serious conversation he can't strum - otherwise I either get distracted or feel ignored. also, he can't play in the living room when I am watching tv. ( if it is one of his shows - and I don't want to watch - I leave the room ). He understands what I am saying - but he really has no idea what I am talking about.

Well, that's it for me, friends. G'nite Buffistas.

So...I need guy perspective for a sec.

So this guy was all "Wow, I don't want to marry you or date or anything, but we gotta have sex like this again" and asks for my number. Which I give him, and then I'm all "Hey, I'll lay here for a while, but then I'm gonna roll, cause I can't sleep with people -- I have huge insomnia." So we lay for a while, and it's fun and we go for an encore (4x in two hours...DAMN, young guys are fun) and he's all "So is this really your number?"

I say yeah, if I didn't want you to call me I'd just tell you to fuck off. So I leave and before I make it home, he calls. It goes to vmail and I call back and leave a Vm when I get home: "Hey, you called to see if this was a real number, huh? Well, it is, so call me anytime."

So, ya think he'll call? I DON'T want to date him....but a summer fling comprised of vodka tonics and sweaty sheets sounds fine...What if I call him, one fine night? You guys think he'll bite?

Just interested in a little feedback...

So...the general rule in most cases is the postive yields the right of way to the negative

Uh, not in my house. Otherwise we wouldn't, for instance, go to street festivals because my husband hates being surrounded by crowds. He puts up with it for me. Sometimes he wins. Sometimes I win. But if the negative always won, we'd be living in a smaller and smaller and smaller space that was the intersection of our two comfort zones.

Would your DH feel the same way about a sword as he does about a gun?

Unfortunately, yes. I asked. Though he's OK with me owning either a gun or a sword, if I store them somewhere else. It's the having them in the home, possibly on display, that's a problem.

Erin, I definitely think he'll bite. Sounds like you two had a good time.

part of the whole the person who sees A as a positive generally has more to lose by winning than the person who sees A as a positive. using the guitar example above - DH stands to lose a lot more if I think I am being ignored or even being distracted durring a conversation. as in those are both things that can cause a conversation to become an arguement. by giving up his positive - he gains better comunication with me - someone he has chosen to be with. Because he is willing to give up a positive - I can let him watch tv and play as long as it isn't something I am trying to watch. Which might not sound like a big deal. except that too many different noises really drives me crazy.

Sorry, Susan. I know you must be dissappointed. Is there any other piece of period memorabilia you could think of as a reward for yourself that is not a weapon?

But if the negative always won, we'd be living in a smaller and smaller and smaller space that was the intersection of our two comfort zones.

I don't think the negative should always win. I think that when you get to an impasse, the negative wins. If your hubby wasn't just uncomfortable with crowds but actively phobic, you wouldn't insist. You'd go to street festivals with friends and find another place to share with him.

Give up cats already in the household for someone's allergies--shit, man, she loves you lots, doesn't she. Because "allergy to cats" is kind of in the same category as "thinks Reagan was too liberal" as insurmountable incompatabilities.